Written 23 July 2017
So, there’s a really jarring jump in the first chapter between Susan struggling with her thirst and Adam’s arrival. She just completely drops everything that’s been tormenting her because she loses herself in the bike. I give the shift a half of a sentence and that is just not enough.
It’s got to be more gradual. The forces in her need to duke it out. The thirst vs. The mesmerizing, this Sunday, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!
Instead of one defeating the other, they should be neck and neck when he sits down.