This was written after the 29 & 30 Apr 2005 games.<\/p>\n
I am, perhaps, a stranger to understanding. The last few days have brought understanding in spades, and at this point, I can’t even bring myself to fear discorporation. It’s not even death. From my understanding(pah!), there are two major possibilities: I will re-corporate as someone very close to myself, or I will begin a new cycle.<\/p>\n I’m beginning to become annoyed at people trying to come up with alternate explanations for Mei Ling and my timeline-hopping. This was infinitely easier when I was sure that I was insane. And after the last few nights, I’m certain that it would have been safer. Maybe I can make more sense of it all if I lay it out on paper.<\/p>\n -The ley lines, the sigil, the ritual, and the ward<\/p>\n Losing Nero to the vampires has been a major blow. Until Harry can finish translating his notes from French, we’re at a stand-still. None of us truly realized how much Nero had done and was doing for the chantry. Unraveling this mystery will hopefully tell us the ward’s purpose, and then we can judge for ourselves when it comes to strengthening or re-erecting the ward.<\/p>\n That brings me to those that erecting the ward. The batshit Hermetic Archmage. Aiko, the Ecstatic. The Chorister \u2013 dead, whose voice is a thousand screams \u2013 who was wife to the Hermetic, mother to Ulysses, lover to Aiko, and who knows what else. Ulysses was gone due to a father-son fight, when the \u2013 wait, no. That’s impossible. It’s been two hundred years since the ward went up. Either he was born and raised inside the ward, or he has extended his own age. I must find out how old Ulysses is.<\/p>\n Victor is related to these four in some way. I will respect the deal that was made with us, and leave him alone. I would bet, though, that Rory knew something. Otherwise, Harry wouldn’t have flipped out when he heard that Victor was in the coffee shop. The only others that might know are Backspace and that Arabic V.A.. I hate being so shitty with names.<\/p>\n – The vampires<\/p>\n Can it get any stranger than a war between the Mafia and a vampire? Yes, yes it can. But not by much. The one in our own city has his deal. We’ll leave him alone, if he leaves us alone. He has Nero, and I believe his story about the oath to keep him alive. I have to believe it, or I’d never sleep again.<\/p>\n We have allies in Grand Rapids. Sure, they’re undead, but they don’t seem to suffer from Paradox. Not a worthwhile trade-off from my side of the fence, but what are you going to do? Oh, wait, I know. We’ll free them from their curse, as Cole, the Prince (why not King?) asked us to do. Ulysses said that attempts to do this have resulted in disaster. Bah. What’s a little disaster to Phillip Schuler? Sheesh. I have a feeling that the key to undoing the curse could be found in the rite used to give it to House Tremere. Maybe Harry’s hard-on for destroying vampires can be turned to something constructive.<\/p>\n The cult in Flint and Lansing (FUCK FUCK FUCKITTY FUCK) may be as daunting an enemy as the Prince is an ally. The one Lasombra has already tried to enter Ann Arbor, and will be able to as soon as the ward falls. At the latest. The horrors of the Abyss wrapped around them was eerie in its beauty.<\/p>\n At least we got the ring.<\/p>\n – The ring<\/p>\n Hermetic design. Effects the spirit realm. Specifically, the realm of the dead. More specifically, the specters. Are they evil ghosts? Remnants of evil people, or changed by their post-death experiences? What would have to happen to one’s soul to end up looking like the monster in the caverns? Does it take a caul, or does humanity carry that horror within itself every day?<\/p>\n The ring brings irony after irony. We took it from the vampires, but donning the ring induces a state like undeath. We had to get it because the Archmage rescued Rory from the specters that the ring is designed to influence.<\/p>\n What association does Aiko have with the Specters, the Labyrinth of the underworld, that she can hold them at bay for those women that don’t bring men with them? Would she do this for Mei Ling, and how horrible am I for even having the thought?<\/p>\n Whatever the consequence, we made the deal, so we must uphold it. I will know who sacrificed their life to that madman.<\/p>\n – Wife?<\/p>\n Where in the shit do I start? Is it even possible to have objective thought about this? Hell, no. The nightly romps don’t help, though by no means do they hurt. Well, not in any bad way. Argh! See what I mean?<\/p>\n Okay, try again. There was a time and place that I loved her. It existed, and it w as truly me, acting, thinking, feeling as I do. In a manner that I do. Like the time spirit said, it was Phil. It was me. I don’t have the luxury of understanding the nuances that differentiate that version of me from, well, me.<\/p>\n When I heard that she’d jumped off of a fucking building, and could be dead, I was shaken. No, I was devastated. Back-to-back this was not. Was it because I had assigned myself her protector (ha!) and translator for this brave new (old) reality? I had an apprentice once, but this never happened with her. I was far more of a father-figure. Christ, I can’t even remember if the girl survived the Nephandi.<\/p>\n I put the ring on without hesitation. The wedding band. The chalk was gone and the ring was there. She said I abandoned her. Harley said I abandoned him. He forgives me, but their memories agree and mine does not. Maybe I am still crazy. Wouldn’t it be funny if they were both figments of my delusional mind? Hee!<\/p>\n – Crazy or Enlightened?<\/p>\n Two years in an instant. The filing job with Mr. Schmidt. The old house with Mei Ling. Magic fading out of my life along with the danger and vibrancy. The rightness of the day to day life. I know that this was another test from my Avatar, and I know that I succeeded. All those rooms, with all those wives, all those lives. That house was MY house, I think. The house that I always build, every cycle, trying to chase after a stability that I never really want. I was all me’s that have been, I think, in all when’s that I have visited.<\/p>\n The Technocracy do not have Avatars; they have Eidolons. The Technocracy are not Awakened, they are Enlightened. Is it hubris to believe myself both Awake and Enlightened? Does the crazy prevent the hubris?<\/p>\n Because I was all of me, everywhere and everywhen, I was able to find Harley. In the dream, I awoke his spirit; this must have represented finding or reuniting with him. Whatever the case, a missing companion – one that I remember – has returned, and for this I am happy.<\/p>\n Okay, this has helped. Information I need to gather: Okay, that last one is a bit more complex. I need to convince Ling to physically train me – again – so that I am not so weak. I need to get with both Harry and Ling, and probably Tim, to deliver the ring. I need to re-learn how to open the doorways. I need to try to forget the asylum. I need to not think about why I left Ling and Harley.<\/p>\n Or maybe I do need to find that out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This was written after the 29 & 30 Apr 2005 games. I’m no stranger to dichotomy. I am, perhaps, a stranger to understanding. The last few days have brought understanding in spades, and at this point, I can’t even bring … Continue reading
\n– How old is Ulysses?
\n– What did Rory and Backspace know about Victor?
\n– Can the rite that the Tremere used to become vampires be used to undo the curse?
\n– Who sacrificed their life to the Archmage?
\n– Am I falling in love with Ling, or am I just trying to be a white knight?<\/p>\n