Author Archives: David Crampton

Stolen from .

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 Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance – now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe’s employer adheres to these standards because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans.

The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn’t mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: “We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have.”

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Have you heard of the book, *Toxic Sludge Is Good for You!: Lies, Damn Lies and the Public Relations Industry?* How about George Orwell’s science fiction novel, *1984,* in which the government trumpets the slogan, “War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength”? If I could, I’d give you these books as holiday gifts, Taurus. I’d also present you with an altar made of fine wood. With these foundation materials, I’d ask you to begin building a Truth Shrine in your home. This source of power might help you stay alert for and immune to the elevated levels of BS you’ll be called on to fend off in 2005. Maybe it would also inspire you to be in service to us all as you earn the title of “Radical Truth-Teller.”

Photoshoppy goodness!

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Thanks to for the Photoshop. No new news on the house.

I only got laundry done last night thanks to Earthsea and attempting to prevent catching whatever has. Luckily, she seemed to feel much better this morning, and I’ve been using Vitamin C like it’s going out of style. Which it probably did. Sometime. Back in the day.

I’ve got two new web-comics to add to my list. Paradox Lost and Wapsi Square. Yay for more web comics! Heheheheh.

It’s been pretty slow, yesterday and today. I may even have time to finish a post. :)

More on stuff.

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The appraisal is either today or tomorrow. It looks like closing will be the week of Christmas. Yes, I’m still excited. :)

brought his coffee press in today, along with some of his homemade blend. Dear GODS this is good coffee. *sip* Also, it may have made me hyper. I’m not sure. *sipsipsipsip*

Let’s check out a list of things for after work today:

  • Work out
  • Laundry
  • Netgear rebates
  • Canadian sales tax rebates
  • Pack

Yeah, that’ll take up much of my night. I’ll probably also be cooking dinner and working on a post, but those are just normal, daily things. :) and I spent some time at Denny’s yesterday with bad coffee and writing, and it was good. She’s still sick, but determined to get better and still get things done. And I totally forgot to leave the phone with her today. Whoops.

While money is tight, we’re still making it. We should make a list of people we need to Xmas/Yule/etc. shop for, and start to check it off.

I’m re-connecting with and , and that feels good.

Seriously.

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I need to stop shaking my fist at the world. I’m fine.

This weekend, we got to visit and my grandparents on the same day. Grandma and Grandpa C are doing well. Grandpa’s still recovering from the pacemaker, and he says it won’t let him over-work himself. Which is good. Not that Cramptons are stubborn or anything. Seeing is always good, and getting some xmas shopping done at her store was cool too. :) And with the shipping she’s offering, I may just be able to order some goodness and get it before the big day.

is in Lansing wishing happy birthdays to her Grandpa B and her sister. I’m stuck at work, so I don’t get to take part in the festivities, but let me tell you, that cake smelled damn good. Lucky ! And I know what she’s gettin’, nyah nyah! Heh.

My final day at work has been decided, and I get to put my two weeks’ in a week from today. That’s a weight off of my shoulders, really. Especially since, thanks to Scott, I’ve finally figured out the Sally Mae application ridiculousness. I really should begin to pack up books and start chanting, “House! House! House!” And I’m not talking about . ;) Move-out date is confirmed with my apartment complex, and I never ended up going to a jazz bar with . Maybe that should happen before I leave, if he’s still up for it.

I have a leftover bacon and cheese omelet from Tony’s of Birch Run waiting for me in the fridge at work. I may actually be able to finish what’s left. Then again, it’s from Tony’s, so I may not. That’s a lot of bacon, egg, and cheddar cheese. Maybe even too much for me.

I wonder if I’ll be able to concentrate on thank-you notes between calls today.

Finally, a real post.

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Here’s a link about the Canadian government making sense.

I’m caught up on my Friends list from the weekend. Whoo!

I’m slightly irritated at our housing finance-guy for getting back to us days after he said he would. Not that I’m not nervous enough about this step into my pre-conceived adult life or anything. NOT WORRIED AT ALL!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA:LKFJSD:LF KSJADFL AJHE(*#@&$#)($&*#@_P*#@$#@$*splut*

So, our loan, heartily verbally guaranteed by our finance-guy, is now in the hands of the underwriters. And, when they say it’s a nothing-down loan, they mean that it’s $200 for the inspection, $500 for the good-nature deposit whatsit, and $275 for the appraisal. Down. You get it back, except for the inspection. Hidden costs in a zero-down housing purchase situation just seem dumb to me. Not to mention frustrating.

Here is where I become an angsty, over-needy, attention-whore artist. Yup, right here. Even after the novel was done, I ‘ve been writing, nearly every day. Some of it is the comic book… I mean, super mysterious project.. heh… but a good chunk of it has been in the . I think it’s good, damnit. The thing is, there’s virtually no feedback, and the list of people watching the community is very small. (I told you this was whiny.) And I know that the only thing that turns people off from reading that kind of serial fiction group is exactly this kind of post that pleads for you to read it. So, I’ve stopped tearing out my hair and just made the post. So if you like dark serial fiction, read it, or else. And, if you have the time/inkling, leave some feedback/constructive criticism.

Ok, I feel better.

Christmas season promises to be insane this year, once again. ‘s entire family, save , all have birthdays in December and early January. Ye gods. I need to get my planner straight.

I can’t wait to move into our new house. I. Just. Can’t. Wait.

Also, this is highly reassuring somehow.