Author Archives: David Crampton

Writing Professionally, Pt. 3

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The Ann Arbor News told me no.
Pop went under before it started.

Let’s give The Ann Arbor Paper a shot.  Resume, writing samples, and (anti)cover-letter are sent.  I read their August issue, and was highly impressed by the writing quality and topics.  Way impressed.  Now I hope they want me.  :)  *crosses fingers*

To Whom it May Concern:

Let me begin by saying that I despise cover letters.  This letter is supposed to effectively communicate to you nearly all of my experience, talent, skill, creativity, and/or other aspects that you are looking for in a writer.  There’s an accepted structure to these things, and in looking for jobs I’ve become intimately familiar with how limiting and two-dimensional the information in a “proper” cover letter becomes.

I could list my talents, tell you how familiar I am with your company, and inform you in bland corporation-speak exactly why I’m perfect to fill the open position.  I could have barely glanced at an ad in an online job site or newspaper, gathered a minimum of information, and filled out a perfectly vague form letter.  Then I could have hoped desperately for a positive response amongst filling out tens of the same for other positions.

Instead, I’m letting you in on the frightening world of my personality, wit, and occasionally offensive nature.  Up to the present, I’ve been a computer geek, both personally and professionally.  I’ve become restless and dissatisfied, realizing that no matter how much you know, how many books, languages, and operating systems that you’ve mastered, you will most likely end up right back in telephone technical support, telling a customer to check and see if they’ve plugged their unit in.  With that in mind, I’ve decided that my hobby should become my profession, and my profession should become my hobby.

My first novel is completed, and is being edited before I send it out to prospective publishers.  I’m turning some serial fiction that I’ve written into a comic book, with the help of several artist friends of mine.  Then, I learned that the Ann Arbor Paper was hiring writers.  After some agonizing about whether or not I was good enough, I am contacting you in the hopes that I will be what you need.  My goals in this are straightforward.  They include professional writing experience to aid me in my other writing endeavors, supplemental income, and exposing readers to something that is probably fairly unhealthy for them to read.  Don’t worry, it’s only step one in my plot to take over the world.

As requested on your web page, I have included two writing samples that I feel are appropriate to the open position.  I’m interested in writing a regular column that addresses obvious, and possibly unsolvable, quirks in the life that I see around me.  I’ve even thought of encouraging and replying to responses, basing future articles around feedback from readers.

I can be contacted at my cellular phone at (734) xxx-xxxx, and have voice mail if I’m unable to talk.  I can also be e-mailed at crampto3@…….. Any feedback that you can provide would be well-received.  Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Dave M. Crampton

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): To hint at the potentials of the coming week, I’ll appropriate the words of avant-garde music composer and author, John Cage. In describing his work, he once said, “I have nothing to say/ and I am saying it/ and that is poetry.” Here’s an altered version, Taurus, created especially to suit your current astrological needs: You have nothing to do/ and you are doing it/ and that’s your genius.

Free comic. :)

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From RSS feed:

Dave Sim has made an extremely generous offer to readers of this journal (and indeed, to readers not of this journal, but just people who simply hear about his offer elsewhere on the Internet. Memes propagate, after all), which is the kind of offer that I found as interesting as he did. It’s this:

If you’d like to read one of the Sandman parody issues of Cerebus, Dave will send you one. He’ll send it to you very happily, free of charge. He will sign it for you, too. And he won’t charge you a thing. Not even postage.

And if you’re wondering what the catch is, it’s this: Dave wants to know (as, I have to admit, do I) how many of the people out there in internet-land will actually go and do things that don’t involve passively clicking on a link and going somewhere interesting. So what you have to do is write Dave a letter (not an e-mail. Dave doesn’t have e-mail) telling him that you read that he’ll send you a signed Cerebus, and telling him why you’d like him to send you a copy. It’s as easy as that. And, quite possibly as difficult.

The address to write to is:

Aardvark Vanaheim, Inc
P.O. Box 1674 Station C
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada N2G 4R2

Dave, I suspect, thinks he’ll get a handful of requests. In my more pessimistic moments, I think he’s right, although I’d love it if he got deluged with letters, like those kids in hospitals who don’t exist but are still collecting postcards…

We have a second-part of the plan too, which involves doing good things for the CBLDF. But that’s for later. For now, if you’re even mildly curious, write Dave a letter. Tell him you’re curious…

Happenings and reasonings.

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I have written the anti-cover letter, and I’m pretty sure that it’s going to get me hired at the Ann Arbor Paper.

My doctor is great.  The other doctor in the office, and the physician’s assistants, are all perscription-happy twits.  When I make appointments to see the doctor specifically, I’m pushed off on his incompetent PA’s.  No more.  I’m going to change doctors.  Maybe I’ll get one that will listen to me, and treat me as something more than an ignorant child/layman.

So, the plan on Saturday was to stay home, because I was feeling anti-social, and let take the car to ‘s place for the bonfire.  I ended up giong, and was better off for it, in the end.  I miss my tarot cards.  Gonna have to break them out and brush off all of the dust.

My apartment complex wants me to renew my lease at the same rent amount, but is going to start charging for water and trash pickup.  I already pay for heat.  I’m pretty sure that I can get a better deal somewhere else in Ypsilanti, and agrees.  Time to start apartment-shopping, it seems.  Maybe a house-apartment in Depot Town.  That would be pretty schweet.

Pssst.  Somebody has job interviews this week.  Send her good feelings, and give her calls to keep her cheery during the dehumanizing ordeal that is the interview.

Blast Punch Optimus Primal from Beast Machines is now at work.  Total of 8 Optimi.  :)

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So I got called out for my mushy post yesterday.  Thanks guys. :)

I slept a lot better last night.  It helped my mood initially, but I’ve been swinging a bit while I was here.  I think I’m just ready for a weekend.  Oh, and for the re-debut of my Mage game.  That’s right, , you suck.  Heh.

There’s all this meaningful stuff rolling around in my head, but it’s all little meaningful stuff.  Like, how I was all happy that I signed up for an IPM early, because was going to be jumping out of a plane that day, and then Deb posted about her bonfire, and I was all, “Well, shit.”  Then, after the small important thing about signing up early, the small happy re-realization that I was as spiritually at home amongst all that electronics as I am in front of a bonfire hit me, which made me smile.  There are little things about searching for the battery for the laptop that are pleasing, and make me feel like a real writer.  This is a reward for re-determining to work for the Ann Arbor Paper, as the hell calls today are a punishment for taking this long.  Little things.

I’m not all about this Maya Cosmos book by David Feidel, Linda Schele, and Joy Parker.  It’s well-researched, well-written, and such, but something about the Mayan artwork, how it’s so packed in and over-busy, makes me twitch.  I think I’m going to put it back on the shelf.

Transmetal Optimus Primal is now at my desk.  Optimal Optimus and Beast Machines Optimus Primal will come next week.  Soon… soon, I will have my weekend. :)

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Since 1977, 40 percent of U.S. elementary schools have done away with recess. Meanwhile, among adults at work, the time allotted to lunch is steadily shrinking. Executives spend an average of just 42 minutes with their midday meals. This dangerous trend hits you Tauruses the hardest: You need spaciousness. You shouldn’t and can’t be rushed to do *anything.* That’s why I’m calling on all Bulls to launch a Mass Slowdown in the coming week. Take all the time you need to do whatever has to be done, whether it’s enjoying your sandwich or preparing an important report. From an astrological perspective, it’s a pivotal moment for you to be faithful to your own internal rhythms. If anyone complains, tell them your astrologer made you do it.

And geekery ensues!

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Woke up with a skull-crushing sinus headache this morning. Slept for crap last night. Obviously, I miss the . I’m amazed and reassured that we still miss each other this much after only one day. Yes, it’s sickeningly cute… deal. :)

An Aleve took care of the headache, and work has been very tolerable since then. I was sure that I was going to be late this morning, thanks to the construction that’s causing a backup RIGHT before the Zeeb Rd. exit, but I was smart and got off on the Jackson Rd. exit. On time, with two minutes to spare. :) Unfortunately, I was so sluggish this morning that I didn’t pack a lunch. Subway turkey sammich, here I come.

Optimus list, mostly for me:

Optimus Prime, Generation 1 – At work.
Optimus Prime, Generation 2 – Don’t want it. Same as G1, except for trailer.
Optimus Prime, Powermaster – Must acquire.
Optimus Prime, Actionmaster – see RiD Scourge.
Optimus Primal, Beast Wars – see Universe.
Optimus Primal, Beast Wars Transmetal – At home.
Optimal Optimus, Beast Wars – At home.
LioConvoy, Beast Wars the Second – Must acquire.
Big Convoy, Beast Wars Neo – see Energon Nemesis Prime.
Optimus Primal, Beast Machines – Don’t want it. Looks nothing like character on show.
Optimus Primal, Beast Machines 2 – At home.
Optimus Primal, RiD – Must acquire.
Optimus Prime, RiD – At work.
Scourge, RiD – Dark repaint of actionmaster. At work.
Optimus Prime, Armada – At work.
Optimus Prime, Armada, smaller – At work.
Oprimus Prime, Energon – Still not sure if I want it.
Nemesis Prime, Energon – Repaint of Big Convoy. Must acquire.
Optimus Primal, Universe – Repaint of BW. At work.