Last night, I ate a metric butt ton of carbohydrates, and very little protein, which tends to send me into a funk. Oh, boy, did it ever. I was so depressed, I forgot to take my anti-anxiety meds when I went to bed. My own mistakes built on themselves, and I have been in a very bad place this morning, filled with depression and anxiety.

I’m taking everything personally and wrong, it feels like the kids’ voices are under my skin, and I’m groggy as hell from taking my meds late. I am gradually improving, but it feels S-L-O-W.

I’m making a lunch that’s heavy on the protein, but added some honey to my coffee so as to not shock my body. Once I carb-o-load, I continue to crave bad, cheap carbohydrates for a while. The siren song of high fructose corn syrup lures me, and I can’t stop thinking about pop and candy and white bread and all of the other things I’d weaned myself off of. As long as I eat less crappy carbs in small doses, the temptation will fade and I will be back on track.

It should be noted that these kind of siren songs are amplified, for me, by depression and anxiety. Quick endorphin boost, is what my brain tells me. Route to happiness, even if it is momentary. It’s something, right? No, brain. Shut up. I want a long-term fix, not a short-term distraction. Come back when you’re done being broken. When the meds have kicked in.