I realized yesterday morning that in changing the reason for our divorce, in updating it, she has fully placed the responsibility of the divorce on her shoulders.
We are getting divorced because she is unhappy with who she is with me. She has more fun as – and is more happy with – who she is without me, and who she was before me.
Am I seeing things skewed when this sounds like she has taken this decision and made it entirely her own? It seems armored from logic and from external perception and argument. It is grounded in subjectivity and personal perception. You cannot argue against those statements, except by arguing that right now, she does not know what actually makes her happy.
Tough case to make.
You are absolutely right when you say that she doesn’t know what will make her happy. One place to start is honesty with herself, which it appears is something she’s not done in a very long time. Maybe now she is; that remains to be seen. But if she couldn’t be honest with herself, she couldn’t have with anyone else, either, and unfortunately, you have caught the brunt of the fallout from that. But, ultimately, as much pain as you go through as a result of this divorce, I think you will come out in a far better place, because you do not want your life tied to someone who isn’t being honest with themselves, but has at the very least decided that they no longer want to be with you. Having gone through that myself, I can say those words with absolute conviction. I think you are handling things really well, and taking the approach that you need to experience and observe what happens in your life as this process of divorce and de-coupling occurs. You will find your happy, sir. Trust it. :)