TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The ancient Egyptian creator god Ptah was regarded as a miracle worker, though sometimes he used unconventional means to accomplish his amazing feats. For example, legend held that he defeated a legion of Assyrian marauders with an army of rats. Waiting till the enemy soldiers were asleep, Ptah sent the rats into their camp to gnaw through their bowstrings and shield handles, rendering them defenseless. Can you imagine a way in which you might draw inspiration from the Egyptian god’s methods, Taurus? How could you win a great victory by summoning the help of an influence you usually regard as a pest?

. You are the king of smooth — enough said. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Life is a bitch and then you die. The more you suffer, the more you learn. If you can’t dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bullshit. If all else fails, manipulate the data. APRIL FOOL! Everything I just said was a dirty lie. I was testing to see how trusting you are of “experts” like me — and how susceptible you are to letting your mood be manipulated by stuff you read in the newspaper. The fact is, Taurus, you can no longer afford to absorb the pathological delusions about reality that are spread by the mass media. I recommend that you go on a fast from TV, radio, films, videos, newspapers, magazines and the Internet for 96 hours. By the end of that time, you will have begun to sense the *real* truth: that life is a benevolent conspiracy designed to bring you blessings and make you really smart.

You are a Dragon! Oh, but not the big fat European
version… Oh no no no you’re a creature of
style and taste. You love the exotic foods of
other places and have a special place on your
pallete for arsenic, and bird’s nest soup. You
are the symbol of royalty, good luck, and
enlightenment. Hey, if you’re good enough, you
could even become a deity!

What Japanese Creature are you?
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