You are a Crotch Monkey. You are a very naughty,
vile thing. You are very tiny and cause a
distracting and unsanitary itch. You seem to
favor musicians with attitudes, at least from
what we’ve seen, because they are always
grabbing themselves, like Justin here.

What’s YOUR Inner Monkey?
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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Once the full impact of Einstein’s theory of relativity became clear, an admiring journalist interviewed him about the process by which he’d arrived at the revolutionary breakthrough. “How did you do it?” the journalist asked. “I ignored an axiom,” Einstein replied. Now let’s analyze that statement for your use, Taurus. Einstein didn’t say he’d ignored an opinion or theory, but rather an idea so well-established that it was regarded as self-evident. Furthermore, he didn’t say he rebelled or fought against the axiom: He simply acted as if it weren’t there. I suggest you follow his example exactly in the coming week.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Some astrologers theorize that there’s an undiscovered planet called Vulcan, whose orbit is inside that of Mercury. Because it’s so close to the sun’s obliterating blaze, scientists haven’t detected it. In ancient Roman mythology, Vulcan was the god of metal-working. From his forge beneath the earth, he made tools for himself and the other gods. His creations were renowned for both their usefulness and beauty. The astrologers who propose the existence of the planet Vulcan say it’s the ruler of Taurus. I bring this to your attention because it so happens that you’re poised to channel its influence with maximum strength in the coming weeks. Try this meditation: Visualize yourself wielding controlled fire to forge beautiful and useful things for you and your powerful allies.