Horoscope

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You won’t have a nervous breakdown in the coming week, Taurus. What happens may have the intensity of that experience, but in reverse. You can expect something like a relaxing eruption of profound gratification; or a rapid-fire series of insights that lead you to a cathartic integration; or a sudden confluence of several beneficent trends, resulting in an almost shockingly beautiful healing. Think you can handle this much blessing?

Horoscope

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Every relationship has its own unique soul. The way you fit together with another person — whether it’s through romantic intimacy, friendship, or collaborative work — should be allowed to find the idiosyncratic identity that best suits the special chemistry between you. It is therefore a sin to compare any of your partnerships to some supposedly ideal model. Fortunately, you’re in an astrological phase when you have a certain genius about togetherness. May I suggest that you devote the next few weeks to helping all of your important bonds find their deeper meaning?

Fortis has been contacted, and should be sending me paperwork on their health insurance for individuals. What does this mean? Blood pressure medicine for Skippy once again. Could be a good thing. ;)

Horoscope

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A couple I know got married one Halloween at the Edge of Hell Haunted House. Their motivations weren’t profound; they just thought it would be fun to tie the knot while disguised as ghouls and surrounded by vampires, gargoyles, and dragons. I’d like to take their idea a step further, Taurus, and offer it up to you. It’s based on my perception that every relationship born from the fires of attraction will from time to time have to deal with each partner’s smoky madness. There’s no use trying to hide from this truth; in fact, your intimacy will be far healthier if you account for it upfront. In this spirit, I propose that you and your closest ally dress up as your inner monsters this Halloween, perform a bonding ceremony, and go everywhere handcuffed together.