TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Life would be a lot less boring if therewas a fight to pick.” So mused the narrator of a show about rival monkey groups on cable TV’s “Animal Planet.” The moment I heard this, my psychic sensors went on red alert and the image of a lethargic bull popped into my mind’s eye. “Uh-oh,” I thought. “I bet this is a themeI should warn my Taurus readers about.” Checking the astrological aspects, I had my hunch confirmed. And so I am asking you not to seek an exit from your doldrums by throwing your weight around in a china store or in a crowded room full of sensitive egos. Have a little patience, and your healthy, lusty appetites will soon return, rescuing you from the need to spark an entertaining ruckus.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I predict that in 2013, the United Nations will designate a 52,000-square-mile area in Canada’s far north to be the world’s dumping ground. By then global warming will have melted much of the ice that currently makes it problematical to access that area by sea, allowing a steady stream of ships to deliver loads of garbage from every country on the planet. I’m not saying this is a good thing; I’m just reporting the facts as I foresee them. But I’d also like to propose that you use this idea as a metaphor in dealing with your own psychic waste. What if you had a certain place and a regular time where you could ritually dispose of it? Let’s say you’d go to there every Saturday at 10 a.m. After a short meditation, you’d take out a piece of paper, scribble down everything that’s making you sick and crazy, then burn it or bury it or rip it to shreds. Try it.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I predict that you will soon hook up with the “wrong” helpers. They will nudge you down an unexpected path that results in you getting tests you didn’t even know you needed. I also suspect that without much assistance from anyone, you will make one of your best “mistakes” of 2005. Congratulations in advance, Taurus, for being receptive to the blessings in disguise.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The Johor Baru prison in Malaysia has begun offering thrill-seekers the opportunity to stay overnight. For a mere $17, a curious traveler can experience the adventure of getting locked in a dank cell, eating bad food, and having no pillow while sleeping on a wormy mattress. I sincerely hope that none of you will travel to this new tourist attraction in the coming week. For that matter, I trust you won’t check into a metaphorical version of the place, either. There is absolutely no reason for you to visit other people’s hells or mistake ordeals for adventures.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I don’t recommend that you aim for perfection–not now or ever. I’m equally skeptical of you seeking enlightenment, as it’s defined by Eastern religions. Perfection and enlightenment are downright impossible in a world where change is the only constant. What constitutes perfection or enlightenment today won’t be valid tomorrow, when the truth has evolved and God has showered us with an influx of previously unimaginable new circumstances. No, Taurus, what I suggest is that you cultivate love with all your ingenuity–both the capacity to give it and receive it. There’s no other undertaking that does more to build up your power and intelligence. And this week is an ideal time to be living proof of that fact.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): From the window of my office I look down on a blackberry bush whose berries are now ripening. In the last 20 minutes, I’ve watched a sparrow figure out the best way to feast. At first the bird tried to land on the flimsy branches of the bush, but after a few tries it realized they couldn’t hold its weight. Its revised strategy was to grab a single berry in mid-swoop and alight on the branch of a nearby apple tree so it could relax with its meal. It did this ten times. I recommend a similar approach to you, Taurus. According to my astrological analysis, you won’t be able to enjoy your treats in the place where you find them. You’ll have to pluck them, fly away, and savor them at a distance. Like the sparrow, you should keep returning for refills.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have the potential to be a great wizard in the coming week. Here’s how to fulfill that promise: (1) Renounce grandiose fantasies of transforming lead into gold or frogs into soul mates. (2) Think small, be specific, get extremely pragmatic, and don’t make up stories based on inconclusive evidence. (3) Take everything that’s dreamy and hard-to-pin-down and bring it down to earth. (4) Don’t bitch about the limitations; *love* them and use them to your advantage. (5) Treat idealism as a distraction unless it can be translated into concrete acts that do some good for actual human beings.