TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This is the one of the shortest horoscopes I have ever written for you. That’s because there is just one simple message, which you should take to heart in a hundred ways. Are you ready? Trust yourself as you have never trusted yourself before. Trust your perceptions, your feelings, and your body. Trust your bratty whims, your weird longings, and your momentary lapses. Trust your urge to merge, your itch to bitch, and your yearning to learn. Trust your ability to know exactly how to trust.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “In my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” President George W. Bush spoke those words to the press during his meditations on overhauling Social Security, but I could have easily said the same thing about my job. This week, for instance, I’m going to catapult my benevolent propaganda in three different ways. Ready for the onslaught? (1) “The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken,” said Samuel Johnson. (Which is why you should break a budding bad habit now, even though you can barely feel it.) (2) To wake yourself up from the trance you’ve been in, pinch yourself with both hands as you simultaneously kick yourself in the butt. (3) “Every act of becoming conscious is an unnatural act.” -Adrienne Rich.

Apparently I can’t stop posting. My only thing left to do (in the 2 and a half hours that I have left) at work is vacuum.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus musician Willie Nelson is a premier talent. Though described as a country artist, he’s really a genre unto himself. During his 50-year career, he has written and recorded many great songs, collaborated with Bob Dylan and Paul Simon, and founded Farm Aid, an organization that raises funds to support family farms. Recently, however, he suffered a disappointment. Republican state senators in Texas shot down a bill that would have named a 49-mile patch of highway after him. They had a problem with the fact that Nelson smokes pot, is an exuberant consumer of alcohol, and supports Democratic candidates. Sound familiar, Taurus? You, too, are in danger of being cheated out of your rightful rewards because of some minor problems. Nelson didn’t protest his deprivation, but I think you should fight yours.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): According to recent polls, people no longer think that most of the old Seven Deadly Sins are even sins, let alone deadly. Greed is the only one of the originals that the majority still regards as worth condemning, while anger, pride, gluttony, sloth, envy, and lust have been demoted to minor lapses. What’s your position on the matter, Taurus? It’s a perfect time to update your moral values and redefine what it means to be on your best and worst behavior. Why? Because violating your highest standards would be especially costly in the coming weeks, while vigorously upholding your ideals would bring unprecedented rewards.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The only work that will have lasting value in the coming week is work that you do in the spirit of fun. If you approach any task with nothing more than a desire to get it over with, it will ultimately be useless. If you perform a good deed merely out of a sense of duty, it won’t bestow any of its intended benefits. These directions apply to the effort you put into your relationship, hobby, or art as well as  to your actions on the job. Success depends on you playing hard with your spontaneity fully engaged.

This hits my writer’s block with my new Adam idea dead-on. *shakes fist at Rob Brezny* Heh.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Most towns in Ghana have no street names, and the houses have no numbers. It’s hard to find where people live if you’ve never visited them before. This is a good metaphor for an issue I want to bring to your attention, Taurus. There’s a certain part of your life that has never been mapped, let alone organized. And yet it’s not at all wild; in fact, it’s like a bustling village where the streets have no names. It’s high time you brought some order and discipline to this place.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In my astrological opinion, it’s time to make some radical new promises to yourself. What acts of ingenious love do you vow to carry out in the months to come? I’ll offer a few suggestions; feel free to dream up 20 more. Say this aloud: “I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself. I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself. I will never ignore, belittle, or underestimate myself. I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Christians in Denmark celebrate communion the way it’s done in many other places: They eat a flat, tasteless wafer that symbolizes the body of Christ. Soon that may change, however. Some of the nation’s best bakers have embarked on a campaign to whip up more delectable versions of the traditional host. This developing story reminds me of your current state, Taurus. It’s a perfect moment for you to spice up a bland ritual, to get more thrills from a duty you regard as important, or to add variety to a sacred task you’ve done the same way for a long time.