TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus William Henry Seward was the U.S. Secretary of State in the 1860s. Though his career included many notable achievements, he is best known for buying Alaska from Russia. His contemporaries thought this was a batty idea — Alaska was regarded as a frozen wasteland — and referred to it as “Seward’s Folly.” Ultimately, his determination to follow his dream in the face of ridicule proved to be an act of brave genius. For 2.5 cents an acre, he added a rich land that now composes one-fifth of the entire United States. I predict that you, Taurus, will soon have a chance to pull off your own version of Seward’s Folly.

Druid
In history, Druids were the religious, learned and
magistral class among the
Celtic peoples, who lived mainly in the British
Isles, and in parts of Gaul
(now northern France). Druids were also great
prophets and poets.
Druids worshipped the forces of nature by means of
meditation, prayer, and celebration of the
Earth, Sea, and Sky. Druids also see not only a
Great Mother Goddess, but also a Great Horned
God. Together, they created the world and
everything in it. Some Druids believe in
reincarnation, while others believe in an
afterlife that is inhabited by the Gods and the
Faeries; said to be the first worshippers of
the Goddess Danu. (hence the name “Tuatha
De Danan”, or, “people of the Goddess
Danu”.)
Some of the Deities of this religion are:
Danu(Creator Goddess, Mother Goddess),
Cernunos(Creator God, Horned God),
Arianrhod(Goddess of the Stars, Reincarnation,
Lady of the Silver Wheel), Dagdha(God of
Druidism, Writing, Poetry, Knowledge, the
Earth),
Brigid(Virgin Huntress, Goddess of the Sacred Fire,
Protector of Children), and Cerridwen(Keeper of
Souls, Goddess of Reincarnation).

Which Pagan Religion Are You?
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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The next couple of weeks will be an excellent time to purge any nagging karma that has been haunting your love life. You’ll be ready to move on to new romantic frontiers once you clear away the residue that has been subtly burdening you. To achieve the proper spirit of rowdy fierceness, I suggest you learn the following country music songs and belt them out now and then: “You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat,” “Get Your Tongue out of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye,” “How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?,” “I Wouldn’t Take You To A Dawg Fight, Cause I’m Afraid You’d Win,” “I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well,” and “I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.”

If Rob only knew…

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): One of my favorite obscure holidays is International Moment of Frustration Scream Day. Observed every October 12, it’s meant to release pent-up tension resulting from the gap between what we have and what we think we want. Given the fact that your gap is particularly gaping right now, you Tauruses would especially benefit from throwing yourself into this fierce enjoyment with all your angst unfurled. The holiday’s founders, Thomas and Ruth Roy, suggest that everyone should go outside sometime during the day and yell for 30 seconds. I hope the sound of you bellowing Bulls will be heard around the world.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): My investigation of recent Taurean behavior reveals that you have committed two spankable offenses. I will not, however, authorize any enforcers to turn you over their knees and apply their palms forcefully to your buttocks — not yet, anyway. First I want to give you a chance to atone, by filling in the gaps in your understanding and ripening the attitudes that led to your deviation from the righteous path. Or would you prefer to avoid the hard work of making amends and instead just accept a spanking?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): During my recent visit to the Burning Man festival, I faced a dicey dilemma: what to do with my eyes as I talked with the many women who wore no clothes above the waist? At first I steadfastly kept my gaze from dipping below their necks. Then I decided that was silly; if they were strongly opposed to me looking at their breasts, they wouldn’t be naked. On the other hand, I didn’t want to be sneaky, stealing furtive glances when they were momentarily distracted. Ultimately, I asked each woman for permission to indulge in a brief ogle. That way we could get the issue out of the way and conduct our conversations in peace. They all thought this was a sensible approach. I hope this tale will inspire you, Taurus, to deal expeditiously with the 900-pound gorilla in the corner of your world.