My parents got me a “chili kit” for Christmas. This included hot sauce, chili powder, oyster crackers, and two “Hot! Chili”” crocks with handles. Since I have hamburger and some canned stewed tomatoes, I decided tonight might be a good night to break out the chili.

Each piece of the set was glued to the plastic in the back of the box. Even the oyster crackers. And the seasoning. The seasoning packet was not as strong as the glue. The seasoning packet exploded when I pulled on it. Yup. Straight out of a Swedish Chef scene. Only replace the cheerful “bork, bork, bork!” with “FUCK!”.

I was able to salvage most of the powder, and piece together the recipe from the torn bits of package. The glue was placed RIGHT on the directions on the packet. I don’t have all the ingredients, but when has that stopped me before? Hee hee! If I’m going to get streaked with orange powder, I sure as hell am going to make that chili.