From my paper journal:

I’m defensive, frustrated, angry, and hurt. I feel like holding my head in my hands, gripping tufts of my hair, and moaning about “what was I thinking.” Real oh-woe-is-me shit. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten angry at something. I wonder why I chose to get publically angry over Ani and Abby. Recipie for drama if there ever was one.

I had just made the final decision to let her back into my life as a friend again, without holding her at arm’s length. Ani, that is. I have to wonder how I can already be thinking that it might have been a mistake. That’s not really my worry, though. Arm’s length or not, I chose today to let myself become angry over rumor and possible events about someone that I have purposefully removed from my life. I took the low road. Then, I let it be magnified by comments that I could have taken and passed over. But did I? No. I got hurt, embarrassed, and angry.

Head. Ass. Now.

Am I wrong to take the events of someone that has hurt and disappointed so many of us so many times to heart? Am I foolish to let myself get this upset when it feels so needed? Am I suckered by the maelstrom that is Ani once again? No, I love her because she is the maelstrom. The Dragon’s Fang to my Flame of Tar Valon. I made the right decision to take her into my life again. I made the right decision to let myself get angry that her child may be born in a prison.

I made the wrong decision in getting angry at Abby. I made the wrong decision in directing my anger at her in an online, public forum.

So mote it be.

You are a Dreamspeaker, caterer to the Spirit World
and protector of the most ancient ways.

What Magickal Tradition Do You Belong In?
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Journal Entry #3 – May 3rd – Teenagers
What is the hardest thing about being 13? Is it school pressure? Is it parent pressure? Is it peer pressure? Is it all of them combined. I’d have to say the hardest thing about being a teenager is school. I just made the transition from grade school to Junior High School. There are a lot more things to pressure a kid with. One of the new things is changing classes. You have to worry about getting to class on time. Another thing is switching from mostly female teachers to mostly male teachers. I think Switzer prepared me for Malow well. We didn’t have to change classes on our own, but we stayed with our class. So, during 4th-6th grades we “traveled” with our class. Getting back to the subject. Another hard thing about being a teenager is all the responsibility my parents cram me with. I babysit, so that gives me a heap of more responsibility to deal with. Another thing is all the bad ideas grown-ups get about teenagers. Not all teenagers deal and use drugs. Not all teenage girls get pregnant. A lot of teenagers are more responsible than some adults.