I had the damn thing memorized. My Japanese speech was clear in my mind. I read over it last night. I memorized sentence by sentence on the multiple-bus ride to class. I had plenty of time, and I had it down pat. I felt GOOD about it. I knew what I was saying in English, as a backup in case I forgot the Japanese phrase. I could take a few seconds and re-translate if I had to.

I was READY.

And then I stood up in front of class, and it was gone. I stammered. I had to start over. I stuttered. I’m not even sure I hit all of the sentences.

I blew it, and I am so enraged at myself that I’m making myself sick.