First let me say that Allegra, while it takes me out of allergy hell, does funny things to my thought process. Funny. Things.

I’ve actually updated my resume. This is the first time, really, since Comcast. Years. I’m eminently qualified for the position I’m going for, but still nervous. Incredibly nervous. Perhaps I should backtrack a bit.

I love my current part-time job. I can do it from wherever I have internet access, and I’ve always had a good time administering servers. Even Windows ones. I have no intention of quitting my current position. However, there just isn’t enough work.

Two jobs and writing for the summer. Provided, of course, that I can land the job. School will be part-time next semester anyway, so I’m pretty sure that it can be finagled in there. Why would I do such a horrendous thing? Why would I abandon the good life of slack (which, really, is what I was getting into)?

Even with working, money is too tight. Bills scare us. Instead of getting that satisfied feeling of catching up, of paying off bills as they come in, bills bring stress, arguments, and crap. has been trying to clue me in to getting another job for some time, but I’ve been either too oblivious or too entrenched in my slack-happiness to notice. did a lot to shock me out of that.

Also, I can no longer afford to not have insurance of any kind. Health, dental, life, vision, etc. We’re running a terrible risk, and if anything should happen to us, we’d be doomed and likely lose the little that we have. I don’t want to be there. Hell, I don’t want to be in the position I’m in, despite the warm and fuzzy Slack Zone.

I’m a bit afraid, though. I’m worried that going back into a full-time job will make me somehow less of a writer. Less of someone that can buck the system. Less of… less. This is an irrational fear, and there are plenty of counter-arguments. I write more when I have structure in my life. I tend to write less, and put everything off, when I’m in the Slack Zone. More time = less accomplished.

says that I can walk into any tech job and have it, if I want. If I try. It feels like I haven’t tried in life for quite a long time. So now, I’m trying.