I feel like a coward. There are those that I need to, want to, ask to untie their knots, but I find myself looking for the “best time.” Or I avoid doing it while they’re at work, because they don’t deserve having their faith in she and I destroyed in front of co-workers.
I feel like I’m avoiding it. I feel like I’m being a coward again, when these are the obvious next steps to moving forward. Being back in the city will make it easier, but nothing is going to make this easy. It shouldn’t be easy. It was designed not to be easy, so that the marriage could not end lightly.
That’s why the knots were put there in the first place.
I want to move on from this. I want to heal. I want not to be broken.
In the end, this is your life. Not thiers. Just pony up and ask them to get with the untieing. If they respect you as much as you think they do, they should have no problem doing it, as long as it’s what you really want. But, more importantly, need.
You know, everyone has been hurt in some lasting way that changes them. I certainly have, and it is not always easy to make that a force for good in my life – sometimes it makes me an insecure jerk.
What I mean is that -everyone- out there is off in some way or another, and it’s how you deal with it that matters, right?
It’s not failure. I know I’m saying something that you aren’t going to believe, not for awhile at least, but it’s -not-.
As SK said long after we broke up, finding a mate is really really hard, and our culture makes it look easy. Not just anyone will do, and most of the time we get it wrong.
That doesn’t make you a failure. And not wanting to face that doesn’t make you a coward, either. I’m sure you’ll face it, when you’ve set your mind to it.