Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.
What threat to the Bush administration are you?
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So
I’m going to the Lansing City Council meeting on Monday. I need to tell Mr. Astrofunk.
Other stuff, but nothing really cohesive or mentionable.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I predict that in the next seven days you will receive exactly 22 email advertisements offering to increase your penis size and 22 email ads to increase your breast size. Although you may be inclined to dismiss this as a boring inconvenience, I believe it will be an excellent cosmic omen that confirms what the astrological configurations reveal: a sign that you’re primed to express both masculine and feminine qualities in a more intense and yet balanced way. I suppose this possibility may repulse you if you identify yourself as a macho male or a girlie girl. But for most of you, capitalizing on this opportunity will make you smarter and sexier.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Dear Mr. Brezsny: Your horoscopes are useless. Most of them are full of philosophical crap that has nothing to do with my daily life. Enough with the metaphors already! Just tell me if there’s love or money or trouble in my future — stuff that normal horoscopes say! -Testy Taurus.”
Dear Testy: I predict that in the coming week, you and your fellow Bulls will have close encounters with the kind of experience you just directed at me. In other words, people will try to get you to be something other than what you are. Do not, under any circumstances, cave into them.
The following reminds me of my current mindset. No wonder I play Malkavians so well:
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If an infinite number of monkeys typed for an infinite number of days on an infinite number of typewriters, they would eventually produce all the works of Shakespeare, as well as the following horoscope, which is apt advice for you in the coming week: You *could* let your monkey mind jabber on forever, Taurus; you *could* allow it to spew out a million options about how to deal with your most pressing dilemma, hoping that one of them will miraculously be the answer you desperately need. But there is a better option: Dive down into your deep eternal self and open yourself gladly to its clear, simple wisdom about what to do.
As
You’re the Angel of Shadows. You don’t like being
around other people. You’re dark, brooding and
mysterious.
What Type Of Angel Are You?
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Romantic movie! You probably won’t star in a porno
anytime soon. You seem to be really into the
whole “love” thing…romantic sex
with perfumed sheets and candles all over the
place. You’re probably a hopeless romantic. You
value sex and respect your partner too much to
do anything like porn. AWWWWWW! <3
What kind of porno would you star in?
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