TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Dear Mr. Brezsny: Your horoscopes are useless. Most of them are full of philosophical crap that has nothing to do with my daily life. Enough with the metaphors already! Just tell me if there’s love or money or trouble in my future — stuff that normal horoscopes say! -Testy Taurus.”

Dear Testy: I predict that in the coming week, you and your fellow Bulls will have close encounters with the kind of experience you just directed at me. In other words, people will try to get you to be something other than what you are. Do not, under any circumstances, cave into them.