Todd pulled a few puffs of the cigar smoke into his mouth. It stung a little, but it was a full, rich flavor. The hat and the stogie definitely made him feel older, and a little more like he had a right to be here. The kitchen was empty. There were no dishes, glasses, stored food – perishable or not – anywhere. The fridge was there, but empty. Toaster, microwave, oven, all super-clean, like they’d never been used. No pots or pans, either. How wierd was that?

Feeling spooked, Todd headed back to the living room. He stared at the dominating piece of furniture. The calliope’s tallest pipes had needed part of the ceiling to be removed, just to fit. There was an air pump in a nearby closet that powered the monstrous instrument. He clamped the cigar in his teeth and pulled the bench out. This was greedy sacriledge, but Todd could not stop himself. He sat down and sat his cigar on the built-in ash tray. He gently ran his fingers over the once-white keys, remembering the first time he had touched Sheila.

There was no sheet music that Todd could see, though he could never really remember old Ralph using music. It had always seemed to pour out of him, and the keys had moved as if they’d just been waiting. Todd picked up the cigar, and drew a few more puffs from it. He could definitely spend a couple of hours here. He turned on the bench, surveying the living room. Framed pictures everywhere, old magazines stacked on endtables between garish sofas and chairs, framed news clippings, from all different eras, and no television.

That was one thing Todd would have to change before he moved in, if only for his gaming consoles. Who knows, maybe there was one upstairs. Todd glanced down at his watch. The mall where Shelia worked was a half-hour drive away, and it was already three. He took a couple more puffs from the cigar and carefully put it out in the calliope’s ash tray. Good god, he wished he could move in right away. Two years would be an eternity to wait. He took his car keys out of his hoodie’s pocket and looped the house’s keys onto the ring. He stepped out onto the porch, making sure that the door was shut and locked. He stuffed his hands into his hoodie’s pocket and headed down the walk to his car.

About halfway there, he stopped dead in his tracks. His mouth hung open as he stared at a car parked along the other side of the street. It was a boat, for sure. A giant, off-white, Oldsmobile land-barge. There was surprisingly little rust on it. In front of the car stood two large men, both with brown goatees and brown hair. They could have been brothers. One was wearing a trench coat that was covered in metal plates, and was staring straight at him. The other looked like some sort of game show host. He had a top hat, a long coat that flared out at the bottom, and some kind of shiny shirt. He was gesturing wildly at the street, and was all smiles. It looked like he was trying to convince the other guy of something.

Todd shook his head to clear it. There were plenty of freaks everywhere, there was no reason that these two should have taken him by surprise like that. He walked the rest of the way to his car, and got in. Mostly to convince himself that he wasn’t afraid, he spent a minute or two choosing which CD to listen to.

ICP made the cut and drowned out Todd’s shaken confidence. It worked so well that he didn’t even see the Olds pull out and start following him.
—
Boys and girls, it’s nighty night time
Happy J the Clown has a nursery rhyme!
It’s about The Boogie Woogie Man
Keep your light on as long as you can
Cuz when it cuts off, so does your head
Boogie Woogie Woogie waits under your bed
With a shank, splah!, up through the bottom
Little Jimmy Jimmy, uh, got ’em.
-Insane Clown Posse, “Boogie Woogie Wu”