Universal Connectivity

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The ideal that effort does not go unrewarded has shown itself true to me more times than I can count.

My father just popped online and wants to talk money for this upcoming month. He used the phrase “until you get that job”.

Dad believes in me. Whether he knows it or not.

Asking the universe for help and hope is hard when you have a lot of pride. Accepting the help can be too, sometimes. The hope is bringing tears to my eyes.

[Dream]

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[Inside]
All around me, in this double-wide trailer, is my extended family. I didn’t feel any shame, and am having a good time. My mother’s mother treats me like a twelve-year-old, which she always does. Pleasant warmth.

[Outside]
No shame meant that I was no longer what the nastier part of my inner dialogue wants to call a “worthless bum”.

[Inside]
I left the trailer, still filled with the pleasant warmth. I was picked up in a car, and it had three other people in it. I knew that this was my family, as well. The pleasant warmth was sustained by family. One of the occupants of the compact car reminded me of , but I couldn’t tell you why or who was driving the car.

[Outside]
I was not driving the car, and this is somehow important.

[Inside]
I was dropped off at a party that resembled a birthday party I attended in Japan. I was surrounded by women, and the warmth was only reduced mildly.

[Outside]
All the people there were girls I’d known in high school.

[Inside]
The conversation turned to my love life, and lack thereof. It felt like the usual turn of affairs, almost natural that I didn’t have a significant other.

[Outside]
It felt much like the three years in which I’d had no significant other, only without the urgency and panic.

[Inside]
The question was posed to me by a girl I’d had a crush on, and this amused me pleasantly. She was half Asian, half German, tall, and thin. Her face was pockmarked with acne scars, and this didn’t trouble me.

[Outside]
She’d never had acne in high school. Somehow this brought her off of the pedastal I’d placed her on in High School.

[Inside]
I’d asked her out once and she had turned me down. She said that it had been a mistake, and that she ought to rectify it.

[Outside]
When I awoke, I remembered that the action of asking her out and getting turned down had actually happened in a previous dream.

[Inside]
I was picked up again by the same compact car, and we drove around the town admiring old buildings and new green in the city.

[Outside]
This is where I woke up.