TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It appears you’re cooperating (sort of) with an authority figure who’s using the carrot-and-stick routine on you. I suppose that could lead you at least part of the way to the promised land–especially if you really believe you can’t motivate yourself without the authority’s prodding. But if you plan to continue in this vein, Taurus, can I please convince you to ask for the biggest, freshest carrot and a beautifully decorated stick?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “It is by going down into the abyss that you recover the treasures of life,” wrote mythologist Joseph Campbell. “Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.” Keep those thoughts uppermost in mind, Taurus. You’ve dared to crawl down into the abyss, and that’s admirable. But now comes the most important part: your stumble. Be alert for every detail about it. It’s the key to your future treasure.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You should make Feral Cheryl your role model. She’s the anti-Barbie–a pierced, dreadlocked, tattooed doll. She owns no stiletto heels, designer handbags, or cheerleader outfits. Her only accessory is a stash of homegrown herbs. A student of spiritual anarchy, she’s a free-thinking activist who rejects all “isms.” Be like Feral Cheryl, Taurus. APRIL FOOL! I’d never try to talk you into regarding a 13-inch-tall plastic doll as your role model, no matter how cool she might be. But I do suggest you adopt some version of Feral Cheryl’s motto: “Love simply, live amply, run wild.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It has been too long since you visited the Middle of Nowhere. You’ve been a fixture in the heart of a well-defined Somewhere for quite some time. But now, Taurus, you need the enriching confusion of the Cosmic HUH?! it’s prime time for you to wander out into the fertile chaos of the WHAT THE HELL!? zone. Have fun! Don’t forget to writhe! Now please repeat and repeat and repeat after me, slowly building from a smirking giggle to a cackling belly-laugh: WHERE AM I AND HOW DID I GET HERE?!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): On the Internet’s Leonard Cohen Forum, Lizzy says she once thought that making “a joyful noise unto the Lord” was the highest expression of spiritual praise. Now she feels that *whispering* one’s appreciation for the majesty of creation is just as valid. Diane, going a step further, suggests that even silence can be a powerful form of homage–maybe even more so than raucous celebration. My opinion? I think Diane might be right when it comes to plants and animals, with which you can achieve easy telepathic communion. But when dealing with the divine works of art known as human beings, the best way to express praise is loud and clear. Your assignment in the coming week is to do that for everyone you care about. More than ever before, you need to dispense vociferous approval and articulate adoration.