Tag Archives: Quickie

Writing Professionally, Pt. 3

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The Ann Arbor News told me no.
Pop went under before it started.

Let’s give The Ann Arbor Paper a shot.  Resume, writing samples, and (anti)cover-letter are sent.  I read their August issue, and was highly impressed by the writing quality and topics.  Way impressed.  Now I hope they want me.  :)  *crosses fingers*

To Whom it May Concern:

Let me begin by saying that I despise cover letters.  This letter is supposed to effectively communicate to you nearly all of my experience, talent, skill, creativity, and/or other aspects that you are looking for in a writer.  There’s an accepted structure to these things, and in looking for jobs I’ve become intimately familiar with how limiting and two-dimensional the information in a “proper” cover letter becomes.

I could list my talents, tell you how familiar I am with your company, and inform you in bland corporation-speak exactly why I’m perfect to fill the open position.  I could have barely glanced at an ad in an online job site or newspaper, gathered a minimum of information, and filled out a perfectly vague form letter.  Then I could have hoped desperately for a positive response amongst filling out tens of the same for other positions.

Instead, I’m letting you in on the frightening world of my personality, wit, and occasionally offensive nature.  Up to the present, I’ve been a computer geek, both personally and professionally.  I’ve become restless and dissatisfied, realizing that no matter how much you know, how many books, languages, and operating systems that you’ve mastered, you will most likely end up right back in telephone technical support, telling a customer to check and see if they’ve plugged their unit in.  With that in mind, I’ve decided that my hobby should become my profession, and my profession should become my hobby.

My first novel is completed, and is being edited before I send it out to prospective publishers.  I’m turning some serial fiction that I’ve written into a comic book, with the help of several artist friends of mine.  Then, I learned that the Ann Arbor Paper was hiring writers.  After some agonizing about whether or not I was good enough, I am contacting you in the hopes that I will be what you need.  My goals in this are straightforward.  They include professional writing experience to aid me in my other writing endeavors, supplemental income, and exposing readers to something that is probably fairly unhealthy for them to read.  Don’t worry, it’s only step one in my plot to take over the world.

As requested on your web page, I have included two writing samples that I feel are appropriate to the open position.  I’m interested in writing a regular column that addresses obvious, and possibly unsolvable, quirks in the life that I see around me.  I’ve even thought of encouraging and replying to responses, basing future articles around feedback from readers.

I can be contacted at my cellular phone at (734) xxx-xxxx, and have voice mail if I’m unable to talk.  I can also be e-mailed at crampto3@…….. Any feedback that you can provide would be well-received.  Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Dave M. Crampton

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): To hint at the potentials of the coming week, I’ll appropriate the words of avant-garde music composer and author, John Cage. In describing his work, he once said, “I have nothing to say/ and I am saying it/ and that is poetry.” Here’s an altered version, Taurus, created especially to suit your current astrological needs: You have nothing to do/ and you are doing it/ and that’s your genius.

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Since 1977, 40 percent of U.S. elementary schools have done away with recess. Meanwhile, among adults at work, the time allotted to lunch is steadily shrinking. Executives spend an average of just 42 minutes with their midday meals. This dangerous trend hits you Tauruses the hardest: You need spaciousness. You shouldn’t and can’t be rushed to do *anything.* That’s why I’m calling on all Bulls to launch a Mass Slowdown in the coming week. Take all the time you need to do whatever has to be done, whether it’s enjoying your sandwich or preparing an important report. From an astrological perspective, it’s a pivotal moment for you to be faithful to your own internal rhythms. If anyone complains, tell them your astrologer made you do it.

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s a perfect time to reinvent the past. You’ll unearth interesting discoveries if you explore the old days with a critical, objective eye. Look for discrepancies between how you remember things and what really happened. Consider the possibility that some of your memories aren’t really your own, but other people’s interpretations that you’ve unconsciously absorbed. By August 15, I hope you’ll be ready to correct the story you tell yourself about your history.