Cake!

Posted on April 30, 2008 by David Crampton

Cake!
Originally uploaded by Childe

That’s right, those are chibi transformers on that cake. I got pwned on
Saturday, clearly.

Ruminating about subjective realities.

Posted on April 29, 2008 by David Crampton

The rough draft was completed on Sunday night. I met with her yesterday, and she filled in some information, and corrected others.

She’s keeping my last name, because she doesn’t want to be associated with her father.

If I had the choice, I’d not let that happen, I think. I offered my name to her when I proposed. She’s not part of my family line, and has purposefully removed herself from being my family. There are plenty of other names to choose from. But she gets to keep the name. The only response I could think of – “That’s your choice.”

We talked for about an hour. She finally seems to be getting hit by this, emotionally. I’m finding it difficult to feel compassion… as I told her, she disappeared. I’ve been doing this without her, and I’m willing to keep doing this without her. She removed herself from my life, and now she wants back in. I’m not sure that I want her back in.

I’m nearly certain that it’s a bad idea to let her back in my life right now.

George and Lauren think I just need to give it time, and then I’ll know how I feel. They say that it’s finally real to her, where it’s been real to me since the day she took off her ring. The changing reasons for the divorce, the dropping off the face of the earth, the passive-aggressive attacks, and the repeated dishonesty about why we were meeting, or what she’d gotten done and hadn’t gotten done… these things were all very real to me, and still are.

But it’s just dawning on her.

About goddamn time.

Three weeks before I move out.

Posted on April 27, 2008 by David Crampton

Last night, I threw my untied knot into a bonfire.

It followed a rectangle of denim with the words “Te Amo” sewed into it.

One of my circles of friends… some of my chosen family… cheered me on.

Today, my parents were coming through town while I was just waking up. I turned down lunch, as I thought Nikki would be making me breakfast. Nope, I had promised her Fleetwood’s famous hippie hash. While getting our food, I ran into my father-in-law, and then (separately, but at the same restaurant) Jody, my mother-in-law. Also, her best friend, who was last in the country to commemorate my grandmother-in-law’s death. I chatted for a bit, and then zipped out of there, as my food and I had already taken quite some time to be united.

Both interactions shocked me, for some reason. Both unsettled me, and triggered my flight instinct. I wanted to run and hide, though I did stay and chat with the in-laws. Something about all of this made me want to hide my face, or feel ashamed, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. How do I relate to Bill now? How do I relate to Jody? To Brandy? To John? To my own parents? To my brother?

How do I look them in the eye when they’re up here for my brithday? How do I feel, and express that I’m feeling, that I haven’t failed? Which, of course, I haven’t.

Of course, writing projects are flourishing, deadlines are being assigned (who thought I’d cheer for deadlines?), and I love my day job. I am in my apartment, I’m not second-guessing whether or not I’ll be there for the semi-long-term, and I dig the place. I’m even mulling over painting. Which, knowing me, will happen three weeks before I move out.

It’s been days since I’ve had the copy of the marriage license. I haven’t filled out the test run of the paperwork yet. Granted, it’s small-scale avoidance, but it’s still there. So, right now, I’m going to go and do that. And I have Nikki backing me up, which makes it somehow… less daunting.

Still scary as hell.

Today is a coffee day.

Posted on April 25, 2008 by David Crampton

Freakangels – webcomic by Warren Ellis. Arkady is my hero, but then I always like the crazy ones. Go here to start from the beginning.

New music video for Chiasm’s song Someone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wno2wk1eoSQ
It’s ‘s fault that I’m a fan, and not at all creepifyin’ that I ended up a fan of both of the Rohn siblings. They both just happen to be really good at music, damnit. Anyway, Chiasm has been featured both in video games and TV shows, and I regularly overdose myself on their tracks. Watch, or get sucked through a mirror into a dimension of black-eyed children! :)

I’m thinking about painting the walls in my apartment. I’ve never painted where I’ve lived before. Hell, I usually have problems putting up posters and artwork.

Still gotta look at the couch, and see if it’s repairable. Crikey, what have I been doing all week?

Time to go and finish up a Windows Server 2008 install. *gag*