TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In his book *The Gulag Archipelago,* Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn documents the Soviet Union’s oppression of many ethnic groups between 1918 and 1956. “Only one nation would not give in, nor acquire the mental habits of submission,” he noted. “These were the Chechens. They never sought to please, to ingratiate themselves with the bosses . . . No one could stop them from living as they did.” I don’t mean to imply that the manipulative pressures coming to bear on you, Taurus, are anywhere near as severe as what the Chechens experienced. In fact, your version might be rather covert or subtle. But I urge you, nevertheless, to stand up in defense of your independent spirit with a Chechen-like clarity and ferocity.

Take the quiz: “Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? “

Pog mo thoin
Pog mo thoin – ‘Kiss my ass.’You’re one tough bastard, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss your ass. You enjoy fighting and causing grievous bodily harm. Hey! What are you lookin’ at, punk?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): A surfer from California recently collected his 15 minutes of fame when he rode his board for the 10,407th consecutive day. During those 28 years, Dale Webster never took a vacation. To keep his mornings free, he worked exclusively at low-paying night jobs. He surfed on the day his daughter was born and the day he passed kidney stones. His eyes now have scar tissue because he has gazed into the sun for so long, and he’s literally afraid to stop surfing for even 24 hours. I nominate him to be both your role model and anti-role model, Taurus. It’s a perfect time to commit yourself with fierce passion to a long-term dream, but only if you promise not to let your devotion degenerate into manic obsession.

My photo album has been updated with some misc pics, Penguicon, and my trip to Cleveland.

Oh, and here’s my horoscope:

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you’ve gone to college in the U.S., you’ve taken the SAT, a standardized test administered to high school students. Is it an accurate measure of intelligence? In a recent analysis, the Princeton Review determined that if the great Taurus writer, William Shakespeare, had submitted his “All the world’s a stage” speech for the essay section of the SAT, he would have flunked. Its language is too colorful. I suspect that you, too, may soon be judged or evaluated by one-dimensional minds, Taurus. Don’t take it personally. They’re simply not able to recognize and accommodate a soul as weighty as yours. Take their off-kilter response as a sign that you need to work harder to situate yourself in environments that fully appreciate you.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s time to get a new soundtrack for your life. Whatever music has served as your mythic theme all this time just doesn’t cut it any more. You need to sing and listen to songs that resonate with the fresh emotional currents that are flowing through you. As you update this primary source of inspiration, I suggest you turn your attention to others as well. Look for a book that can change your life, a role model to inflame your imagination, and a pair of magic underpants.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Welcome to the first horoscope in history that relies entirely on the colors of Crayola crayons for its metaphors. To what do you owe such an honor? Simple, Taurus: After a dicey cruise through the midnight blue and burnt umber parts of the spectrum, you’re now awash with a kaleidoscope of flashier hues, ranging from pink flamingo to electric lime to neon carrot. Even wild blue yonder and mango tango are injecting themselves into the mix. Congrats on this vivid redirection. Where you’re headed is more interesting than the yellow brick road. In Crayola-speak, it’s more like the banana mania brick road.