TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Dear Mr. Brezsny: Your horoscopes are useless. Most of them are full of philosophical crap that has nothing to do with my daily life. Enough with the metaphors already! Just tell me if there’s love or money or trouble in my future — stuff that normal horoscopes say! -Testy Taurus.”

Dear Testy: I predict that in the coming week, you and your fellow Bulls will have close encounters with the kind of experience you just directed at me. In other words, people will try to get you to be something other than what you are. Do not, under any circumstances, cave into them.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If an infinite number of monkeys typed for an infinite number of days on an infinite number of typewriters, they would eventually produce all the works of Shakespeare, as well as the following horoscope, which is apt advice for you in the coming week: You *could* let your monkey mind jabber on forever, Taurus; you *could* allow it to spew out a million options about how to deal with your most pressing dilemma, hoping that one of them will miraculously be the answer you desperately need. But there is a better option: Dive down into your deep eternal self and open yourself gladly to its clear, simple wisdom about what to do.

Romantic movie! You probably won’t star in a porno
anytime soon. You seem to be really into the
whole “love” thing…romantic sex
with perfumed sheets and candles all over the
place. You’re probably a hopeless romantic. You
value sex and respect your partner too much to
do anything like porn. AWWWWWW! <3 What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The world is composed of rival gangs of hypnotists, each competing for your entranced attention.” I found this scrawled on the wall of a public restroom. It’s not literally true, of course, but it might as well be. Every day you’re besieged by advertisers, entertainers, politicians, and news media that would love you to adopt their views. To resist their brainwashing, you have to exert heroic efforts to think for yourself. In the coming weeks, your vigilance must be even more rigorous than usual. Here are some tips: Be the opposite of a know-it-all. Make curiosity and open-mindedness your highest values. Read and listen to people who don’t believe what you do. Consider the possibility that your opinions may be wrong or incomplete.

what warning label are you?

MOON
“the chooser, the romantic”
You are gifted in turning difficult situations into
positive events. You are a romantic you doesnt
wish to be decieved or deluded by others– you
have little tolerance for self-deception or
-illusion. You are often placed in a position
where you must make a choice between two very
different things (this is represented by all
the different pairs depicted on the card). You
are a tester of old patterns– the honey-moon
is over and now it’s time to deal with the
reality that has set in. You have a deep love
for harmony and wish to regain it. The jackels
in the card represent your inability to
tolerate delusion, illusion, and deception in
yourself or in others. You are gifted in
spotting lies.

***which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short; with pictures and detailed results***
brought to you by Quizilla

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Visualize your greatest fear. How much of it is based on a possibility that the dreaded experience could actually happen? What part of your foreboding, on the other hand, is fueled by your active imagination, your habitual propensity to worry, and the pervasive angst the media has infected you with? Once you’ve meditated on those questions, Taurus, try these prescriptions: In the next 24 hours, take one step to reduce the level of anxiety you’ve accepted as normal. Take another step to diminish the power of your greatest fear. The astrological omens say you’ll receive unexpected help if you do these things.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In the series finale of the long-running TV show, “Touched by an Angel,” the Madonna-like angel Monica is offered a promotion. All these years she has struggled to help one bumbling human after another climb up out of the gutter; now she has a chance to move up to the cushy job of supervisor, where she won’t have to wrestle with so much chaos. But she turns down the gig, and chooses instead to stay at her job of redeeming the ragtag multitudes. I believe you’ll come to a comparable juncture in your own life during the coming months, Taurus. One path will lead to more comfort and prestige; the other will bring more interesting challenges and inspiring surprises. I’m not sure what the right decision is, but the sooner you start ruminating about it, the more likely it is you’ll do what’s wisest for the long-term.

	


	









	

		
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Yoinked from just about everyone.