What is the value of distraction?
Add to it the stigma of education
and it is wondrous
or at least worthwhile

We are all struggling to catch up
know more
be the best
now that nothing’s being handed to us.
Fucking silver platter.

So we gather distractions around us
“tools of learning”
or will they be another machine
to play Solitaire on?

How can I push myself?
How do I bring myself to want this goal?

What would happen if I let go of the goal?

I am not surprised at
ladder-rung reproduction.
Nor am I disappointed, it gives me
something to do.
Maybe not the right thing to do
but a thing.

Oh, Draconis!
I’m not even sure I want this goal!
Detroit calls to me of its grime and grit
and potential
Lansing claws into me with bone talons
pleading, “don’t leave me!”
And I wail
angsty and goth-like
because I can’t make up my mind.

Oh, Tiamat!
Is this weakness the core of entropy?
“Not with a bang, but with a whimper,”
Have I been shown the ability to crumble
within myself
Time only brings more pain
it seems
more knuckling under
If I succumb utterly to you
am I learning
or
am I giving up?

Back from Ohio
Things left in the past
Unfulfilled not-quite-expectations

I am on the verge
of not sure about
releif or disappointment

My apartment is returning to
pseudo-comfort
worried about mirroring in this

Not bummed about anything
which is a mild surprise
considering unmet goals

Pleased with my car and
other mundane aspects of the trip
like money and food

I guess there’s always
a time when you say,
“okay, we’re done.”