Familiar and alien
the combination twists my insides
my heart and my stomach
my eyes and my soul
I had thought this left in the past
I had thought that it would never return
to be re-lived
This time, the ice shattered
Spilling out liquid fire
in wracking sobs
That is why I’m still bitter
she said
because I still love them all
wounds don’t heal
I’ve been hurt like this before
but never like that.
Almost exactly like this, in situation
but never like that, afterward.
Just the same, in disappointment
but different, in determination.
Word for word, in your self-doubt
Every syllable changed, when I shattered.
Today, my hands gripping the cold
metal spikes
by the churning river,
I doubted the hope within me.
It felt so dim.
Nothing between two people
is perfect
We’re changed now,
because of what you did.
Less starry-eyed perfect
More earthen reality
We doubt our strengths
But not our desire for
each other – forever.
I will not take my name back
from you.
Not this time.
Never forget what I said
amidst running nose
tear-red eyes
sob-wheezing breath
I cannot forgive again.
This is too much for me to live with
a second time around.
Live your love for me
every day and every minute
in every step and every word
every action you take.
Time will prove that you can
or that I was wrong, one more time.