Yes, I’m still a bit homesick. I’m going down to Mountain View tomorrow to look at apartments, but I’m still missing Lansing and Michigan in general. It’s not the intense shred-your-heart kind of feeling that it was two nights ago, but it’s still kind of an ache.

I purposefully went out to see a movie last night. I saw 3:10 to Yuma last night at the Sundance Kabuki theater. The entire staff loved movies, and was excited to actually engage me in a conversation about film. Not only that, but they had real butter for their popcorn, all of the previews were movies that I want to see (thoughtful film, what?), and they had REAL BUTTER for their popcorn. When the movie was done (and it was AWESOME), I came outside and waited at the bus stop. Just across the street, an overhead street light popped out.

That helped a lot.

So, on with the moving forward and accomplishing and such things. :)

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Originally uploaded by Childe

This is the San Francisco City Hall. I took this while waiting for the shuttle, as it’s across from the Ballet building. We get dropped off in front of it on the way home from work.

I haven’t yet gone exploring, as my blister has had as much as it will take with going up to the Upper Haight to get my mail and to turn in my change of address card. So, left on the docket today are: Writing letters, sending letters, and Myst Online. :)

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Originally uploaded by Childe

This is the San Francisco Ballet. The shuttle to work picks us up in front of it every morning. The stone steps are surprisingly comfortable.
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The following was written yesterday, on the shuttle ride home.
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Full-blown head cold now. I’m taking vitamin c supplements, as well as drinking a ton of orange juice. This always helped me bounce back from this sort of thing when I was in Michigan, so I figure that it’ll do the same here.

Yesterday, on the shuttle ride home, I had thought about postponing my decision to live in the South Bay until I’d gotten a chance to really explore San Francisco. The Outer Richmond area sounds just perfect, and I even have an in (sort of) that might let me look at apartments that aren’t even on the market yet. It’s all in who you know, apparently.

This seemed reasonable enough, until IMed me and let me know that whenever she comes home from work, the dog races past her, looks around, and then comes back in the house, hanging his head. Even here, on the shuttle ride home, I’m getting all misty over it. I can’t, in good conscience, let Buddy be alone for 10 to 12 hours a day, every day, depending on the whims of Bay area traffic. I could hire someone to walk the dog (!!), but that would mean that a stranger would be coming into my house and taking care of my dog on a daily basis.

I’m not really cool with that.

So, I’ve asked around about the Sunnyvale area, and have gotten some good advice from co-workers about downtown Mountain View. There’s plenty of public transportation all over Silicon Valley, and the downtown Mountain View area has some neat restaurants, lots of coffee shops, and the Museum of Computer HIstory. So, I’m going to check it out this weekend, head cold permitting. I’m also planning on doing more exploring of San Francisco this weekend. Whether or not I’m going to live there, I can’t pass up the opportunity to see a lot of the city.

And yes, more photo posts are coming. :)
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The following was written this morning.
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I had a breakdown last night. Shortly after I finished writing the above, I started having problems keeping it together. I looked at the green-covered mountains and felt revulsion. I looked at my fellow Yahoos, and felt alien. The phrases “I don’t belong here.” and “I wanna go home.” would not stop repeating in my mind. I had to close my eyes, lay my head back, and breathe deeply to prevent tears and choked breathing.

As the shuttle approached southern San Francisco (“The Industrial City” my ass), I saw the clouds swarm over the top of the mountains, like an invading army. They were coming in from all around, and sliding over the city once they got low enough. They were roiling, and the wind was blowing here like I hadn’t seen since MIchigan. A storm? Here?

The weather helped; it gave me a brief respite. But by the time I was off of the bus, in front of City Hall, I was surrepticiously wiping saline solution from the corners of my eyes. The bus took me up Hayes St., and I hoofed it down Fillmore to Haight and the best sausage place ever, Rosamonde. I hadn’t eaten since lunch, and not eating always colors my mood. I had another break while I was there, lost in the patterns and movement of orders and grilling and checking out. I headed back to my little room, and let myself go.

I wrote a phrase in my novel, from Jason’s point of view, about hating to see a fat man cry. That book keeps ending up being a mirror of the things I’d rather not see.

By the time I’d gotten to the sausage shop, I was certain that if SOAR were to call me back and make me a reasonable offer, that I’d take it and move back to Michigan. JP is of the opinion that this is the destruction before the creation. thinks that a lot of the pain that I’m feeling has been caused by her actions, and the rest is severe homesickness. tried to help me focus on the future, on the 5-year plan.

It’s also good to note that I haven’t been sleeping well. With having to catch these shuttles, sleeping on a harder futon than I’m used to, the difference in the air here, and the head cold, it’s been rough. I’m sure that the stress of moving across the country for a job that I can’t believe that I got, in the middle of a separation from my wife and likely divorce isn’t helping.

Near the end of the breakdown, I decided to email the lady from SOAR. advised me to talk to before I did anything. It’s good advice, and I intend on following it.

I went to sleep dreaming about moving to Ann Arbor. When I woke up, after a more complete and restful sleep than I’ve had in a week, I realized that the way in which I’d been dreaming of A2 was exactly the way that I’d been dreaming of moving to San Francisco. It was an escape, and not a solution. So, despite my determination last night, I’m not scheduling any flights this weekend, and I’m still going to look at apartments in and around downtown Mountain View. I’m still going to do a bit of touring of the city, blister(s) willing.

We’ll see how the commute home goes. Maybe I’ll wait for the later shuttle, so it won’t be so packed with people.

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Originally uploaded by Childe

This was from my second day here. I kept getting frustrated because the picture looked so crappy on my phone’s screen.

This was taken while traveling on Fillmore south to Haight St. Fillmore hits its highest point here, as far as I know, but I don’t remember the crossroad for the life of me.

The clouds are the ones that I brought with me, as this was my first weekend here.

Written on the shuttle in to work this morning, starting around 7:45 AM Pacific Time.
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I had a dream last night that Yahoo was the same as General Motors. I was going to work here, in California, but I was also going to work with at GM. I don’t think that this implied anything about the stability of Yahoo, or the local economy; that’s night and day. I was telling myself that the reason I am so worried about measuring up and about being able to actually do the job is because it’s a real, adult job. It’s one of those jobs that you can spend your entire life trying to secure. I’m still wondering why I’ve had such a hard time getting jobs outside of Lansing in the past, and yet was able to land this one.

I haven’t had any coffee yet, so I apologize if I’m rambling. I had to run to catch the shuttle, so I’ve got the usual dose of legs-on-fire.

I was feeling under the weather last night, so I picked up a carton of orange juice for Vitamin C, and some salted peanuts for protein. My diet has changed so much since I got here, that I have no idea what I’m getting enough of, and what I’m not. The food is amazing, and I am getting a kick of eating out every night, but there is still that question. Anyway, I feel better today, and I’m hoping that it lasts into this evening. 2001: A Space Odyssey is playing at the Castro in 70mm.

On top of being not-quite-sick, I’m homesick. I can’t remember being homesick before. Most of my friends and all of my comfort spaces are on the other side of the continent. I caught myself thinking the phrase “back east” last night. I find myself ecstatic that my nine to five schedule here (or 7:30 to 7:30, with the shuttle rides) lets me keep in touch with second-shifters and my late-night friends over IM. But I still really miss faces, sounds, sights, and smells.

The shuttle is just now getting on the highway. Bumper-to-bumper. YES!

With the time that it takes to get to and from Sunnyvale from San Francisco, I find myself questioning my decision to live in SF. I have to keep reminding myself (and being reminded, thanks ) that it’s okay to question my direction and pick it. Nobody’s life is riding on this but mine, and so I need to pick what’s going to work out the best for me. I think I’ll look at the available public transportation in Sunnyvale. From the shuttle’s window, it’s looked pretty damn good.

San Francisco is overwhelming. It’s not just the people, though it stems from there being so many. Culture shock, maybe? Everything’s got that ground in dirt that comes with being old, and with being used by so many people. The sidewalks, bus stops, everything. It’s not the grime of Detroit, to me. It’s not abandonment. It’s incredible amount of use. That’s good, right? Argh, now I’ve strayed away from the point. I can feel it.

San Francisco is awesome. It is incredible, filled with culture, amazing people, things to do night and day, more bars than you can shake a drunk at, and life. It’s filled with life.

But when I get home for the day, I have two and a half hours to myself before I’ve got to be in bed, just to catch 8 hours of sleep so that I can catch the shuttle out in the morning. That feels a hell of a lot like the commute from Shelby Township to Ann Arbor and back. This time, someone else is driving.