Two things happen when I get very angry. One, my rational mind takes over, to a fault. I become cold and distant. Better than the alternative, I suppose. Two, my mind kicks into high gear. I think through puzzles and such very, very quickly.

I was really pissed off.

I stomped straight from Dante’s tent to the Gypsy’s high-wire. I looked up, crossed my arms, and said, “Better you die than her. She’s dead, and she’s in your wire. Better you.” Then I turned, and walked away. I didn’t notice when the lights over her wire went out. That always happens when I get emotional. I didn’t notice that they were black lights when they turned back on, either.

The music in the back of my head kept shifting. Creepy, then with a strong sense of purpose, then off again. I needed to ground and center. I needed to calm myself. This wasn’t happening. None of this was happening. I needed to be me. I needed to be the center of my own universe again. I stopped in the dead center of the midway. Nobody saw the clown and Dante fighting, so I figured no one would see me. The latticework was starting to slowly work its way around and through me. If that was going to happen, I was going to be me.

I stood in the Midway, and slowly spread my hands outward. No one would see me. I felt the beat of my heart. No one would see me. I imagined a bass thump counter-pointing my heartbeat. No one would see me. I felt both beats pulse through me, and around me. No one would see me. The calliope music became shrill, faster. Its treble only accented the bass that I felt thrumming through myself. I saw in my mind’s eye the CRT in Dante’s tent and the black lights above Gypsy’s high wire. I didn’t notice. I was unthinking, letting the grief and rage twine through the bass beat. No one would see me. A picture of Dr. Celestine’s cane handle flew into and out of my mind. No one would see me. Hope seeped its way into the beat. A midrange to balance the calliope and the grief and anger. No one would see me. The calliope faltered, and started again, becoming unstable. I let the beats of the midrange and the bass enter the back of my mind where it was, letting the music become stable of its own accord. No one would see me. I exhaled slowly, feeling more at peace, and more able to deal with everything around me. I opened my eyes.

Everyone had seen me. More accurately, people were staring at me, eyes open, mouths agape. Even more accurately, people were staring behind me. I whirled around, and saw, coming out of the ground, a pipe framework made of different-colored lengths of neon lights. The framework reached as tall as the Ferris wheel, and encompassed the entire Carnival under its shape. It was a multicolored, neon, dragon. Its wings were spread wide over the carnival, and it was bellowing in rage and pain. As my shock settled in, it seemed to dissolve, as if it was a screen saver, coming undone pixel by pixel. I… I couldn’t have. This couldn’t have been me. Then I remembered, the people. Oh, fuck, everyone had seen. There was really only one thing I could do, though the owner was probably going to beat the shit out of me for it later.

I spun around, threw my arms high in the air, put my best disarming smile on, and bellowed at the top of my lungs, “Remember! This place is for you! Enjoy your stay at the Carnival of Souls!” The carnival music in the back of my head sounded better with the bass beat that had joined it.

I then resolved to sit my rotund ass down on the steps to Dr. Celestine’s trailer, and wait until he showed up, with or without double. I needed to ask him a favor.