TAURUS (April 20-May 20): My investigation of recent Taurean behavior reveals that you have committed two spankable offenses. I will not, however, authorize any enforcers to turn you over their knees and apply their palms forcefully to your buttocks — not yet, anyway. First I want to give you a chance to atone, by filling in the gaps in your understanding and ripening the attitudes that led to your deviation from the righteous path. Or would you prefer to avoid the hard work of making amends and instead just accept a spanking?