Horoscope

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The President of Belarus has issued a mandate to his country’s athletes regarding their performance in the 2004 Summer Olympics. “You should have clear-cut plans for victory,” Alyaksandr Lukashenka told them. “It is unacceptable for you to win fewer than 25 medals.” That sounds a bit unrealistic to me, so I won’t be that demanding in my decree to you, Taurus. But the astrological omens are on my side as I command you to pull off a feat that would be your equivalent of a gold medal between now and March 20. In addition, I order you to gather a new privilege, new perk, or new title.