This is part 19 of Todd’s story.

—
It just takes a minute
And you’ll feel no pain
Gotta make something of your life boy
Give me one more vein
You’ve come to see the doctor
Cause I’ll show you the cure
I’m gonna take away the questions
Yeah I’m gonna make you sure
– Queensryche, “Operation: Mindcrime”
—
Todd sat in the middle of the back seat, watching the city fall away and turn into suburbs. Ever since he had entered the warehouse, he had known certain things about the Carnival. He had known about the Symmetrical Man, and about his relationship with Dr. Celestine. Todd was pretty sure that this was all information that was written inside Ralph’s old journal. He was also pretty sure that the imbalance he had caused was needed if he was to have a purpose. If he was to return to his house. He mumbled, “I am here because I intend on continuing to exist, in this form or one very close to it.”

Sheila looked back at him. “What does that mean?”

Todd leaned forward, and she shrank away a bit. “Something Dr. Celestine said to me while you and Thunk were upstairs.” Sheila blushed deeply. “He manipulated you, Sheila. Both the Symmetrical Man and Thunk used you to fuck with me.” She glanced fearfully at Thunk, and then stared at him, as if she was trying to read his soul.

“Neither of them could take what I wasn’t willing to give them, Todd.” She began to cry again, and faced forward with a set jaw. Todd leaned back against the back seat. Rage, jealousy, and hurt bubbled up within him, and then fell away. It felt as if they were someone else’s feelings, experienced by proxy. She was his girlfriend, and he was wronged by her infidelity. Compared to the Carnival, and to the game that was being played throughout time, it was so small. Todd was deeply afraid for a moment; he had nearly no idea what kind of being he was becoming, or if he was even still human.

Suburbia fell away, and the wide open fields of autumn farms surrounded them. “Almost there, Todd,” Thunk reported. Todd nodded. He would be unquestioning and fiercely loyal. He would do anything Todd asked, without limit. Without free will, there was no conscience, no responsibility. To Thunk, it was the ultimate freedom, when to so many, it would be a prison. Todd watched Sheila for a few minutes, and wondered just how few were left in this world that would see it that way. He shook his head, and Thunk pulled into a field-turned-parking lot. A short distance away stood the carved arch of a sign. Dr. Celestine’s face smiled down at those entering and leaving his Carnival of Souls. As dusk finished falling, the lights switched on, and the Carnival shone with color and motion. It was a beacon in the night.

Thunk pulled the car into a space, turned off the lights and engine, and yanked the parking brake into place. Sheila got out of the passenger side, and Thunk held the driver’s door open for Todd to get out of the back seat. His face was still quite swollen, but he could see out of both eyes. He noticed that while Sheila was nervous as hell, he was calm. That made sense to him, though. His job was clear. Hers was still entirely up in the air.

Todd walked to the bank of ticket-sellers, and his two friends followed. The carnie looked up at him, and he held up two fingers. He smirked painfully as he paid for two insanely over-priced admittance tickets with money from his basement. He could still hear Sheila’s exasperation at his own disinterest in the money. He glanced at Thunk and Sheila, and purposefully burnt that image into his memory. There was no telling when he’d see either of them again. “You guys ready?” Thunk immediately nodded, having no choice in the matter. Sheila hugged herself tightly, seemed to brace herself, then nodded. Todd smiled, a real and honest smile, and Sheila couldn’t help but return it. All three got in line for the ticket-taker. Sheila was first, Todd next, and Thunk last.

It was a fast line for the number of people that were coming in and out of the Carnival of Souls. As they approached, they saw the ticket-taker. He was overweight, balding, and possibly the most cheerful person that they had ever seen. His thin hair was long enough to hang over his ears, and fluttered gently in the breeze. He was wearing a dress that actually fit him well. He had countless pieces of Hello Kitty jewelry and toys in his booth. He greeted each person warmly and honestly; there wasn’t a single person that entered Dr. Celestine’s Carnival of Souls without a smile on their face. As Sheila approached, Todd recognized him. He was named Dav, and he was the Ticketmaster.

“Welcome to the Carnival, miss! Do you have your tickohmygod where did you get that?” Dav had stood up, and was pointing at her Hello Kitty lanyard. He was enraptured, like a kid in a candy store.

“Hi… uh, my boyfriend got it for me.” She looked back to Todd, motioning for her ticket. He handed her a small wooden box.

“Well, I’m not ashamed to tell you that I’m terribly jealous. Do you have a ticket?” Sheila gave Todd a questioning look, and he just stared at her. She shot him a glare, and opened the box. She handed the inverted ticket to Dav, who looked at it with a worried smile. He looked back up, but to Todd. “Isn’t this your ticket, Ralph?”

Todd smiled. “It was a mistake, Ticketmaster. I was meant to give it to her.”

The Ticketmaster looked back down at the ticket. “I don’t know…”

An idea suddenly struck Sheila. “Uh, listen, if you let me use that ticket, you can have this.” Sheila took off the lanyard and held it up to the booth. Dav’s eyes lit up, and his face beamed with an enormous smile.

“Deal!” Dav punched the stub of the now-golden ticket and handed it back to her. Sheila rushed past the booth, glad to no longer be holding up the line. Todd gave Dav the two tickets for himself and Thunk, and followed Sheila in.

No one saw Dav un-clip Sheila’s old ID badge and slip it into his ticket folder.
—
I will clean and cover my windows
‘Cos I don’t want to see where the wind blows
I’ll love it, I’ll covet another one’s idol
Because I am the queen of denial
I’ll love it, I’ll love it
I’ll love it, I’ll love it
The ego is the master of psyche
And envy tastes sweeter than grey meat
I’ll love it and learn to follow behind all
Because I am the king of denial
– Ruby, “Queen of Denial”