This was written after the 28 May 2005 game.

I am unable to express the relief that’s come from finally being free of the Quiet.  The madness that had been slowly growing since my time in Lansing is terrifying to me now, as it must have always been to those who looked up to me.  I am finally secure in my past and able to move on.

The phrase that repeats over and over in my mind is “Move forward, not backward, and not sideways.”  Mei Ling may be right in her guesses that a spirit has done me some great favor in rearranging the Tellurian so that my mind could be set to rest.  Her grandmother may be right that the Quiet may have damaged my memory in a significant way.  Any of these may be truth.  They all may be truth.  The truth of the past is not the truth that I am bound and determined to protect.  Unlike other Dreamspeakers, The truth that I must watch over is that of the future.

I will pause, for just a moment, to speak of the past.  I only do this because it is important to Mei Ling.  She disappeared from Berkley in California about 3 and a half months ago.  Apparently, she has knowledge of Spirit and Time that her ordeal has closed off to her.  Her avatar has accused her of trying to quash it.  If she believed that the umbral realm that made up her “past” was real, that quashing may have been required to keep her alive.  I do wonder why I, or a reflection of me, was there, in her umbral dream, but for once this curiosity does not rule me.

I worry for her.  My feelings are beyond any memory or Quiet.  Returning to California with her grandmother may be best for her, but I am still incredibly jealous of this male stripper apprentice of hers.  Apparently, they dated, and she guided him through his awakening.  Midas says that this experience, feeling the jealousy, is good.  I don’t disagree with him.  Ah, the rollercoaster of dating an Ecstatic.  If he can show her that her identity doesn’t stand on her past as its only foundation, then I will thank him.

That said, I once again look forward.  I once again think about teaching.  The simple and miraculous act of being there for someone, of nudging them in the right direction, of showing them the glories of the Umbra and of their own spirit, this is what I think of.  I will follow both Mei Ling and Will’s leads.  There is a neo-pagan group on U of M’s campus, and I intend to attend their meeting this week, and begin a search for those with minds open to all spirits, natural and tech.  I think that this would be a step forward.

If my old apprentice lives, and are paths are to cross, the spirits will bring her to me again.  I do miss her.  I think that of all people that I may have hurt unintentionally in my Quiet, she was the first.  But I move forward.

The Archmage Hermetic (what is his name, anyway?) has lost it for good.  It seems that he has had his lucid moments, but had never discovered the death of his wife during one of these.  Harry, after discussing ways to repair or re-make the ward, let on that she had died.  Not only that, but that Victor had been present.  I’m not sure if he got that last bit from Harry or Mei Ling.  God damn, but that girl has steel ovaries.  He totally flipped out, summoning Victor and his wife, and then set his Horizon realm on fire.

The good news is that the church node can be re-opened, and its trigger is the Life sphere.  Not only that, but the old ward can be re-asserted, or we can create a new one.  Those who do re-create it can pick and choose who may enter and who may not.  If Ann Arbor is to become a haven for mages, as Midas wants, this may be the only way.  It’s either that or we all learn to defend ourselves from all other suprnaturals, and to guard the Labyrinth from any Nephandi that may enter.

I hope that the ritual for re-creating the ward exists somewhere besides in the Archmage’s head.

Raven has challenged me to a contest of riddles.  I must best him, and solve his riddles, before he will re-teach me the art of opening the doorways in the gauntlet.  His riddles are incredibly complex, and he has guessed all of mine up to this point.  I am lucky that he has patience.  I am stuck puzzling out a five-minute long beast about shadow and light.  I have a feeling that the shadow and light represent the Umbra and the physical worlds, but there is a key in the riddle that will bring sense to it.  I will meditate on the answer in between work, visiting the young neo-pagans, and spending time with The House.

I hope that Mei Ling returns from California soon, so we can spend time together again.  Geh.  Roller coaster.

Nero was hanging around outside the house.  He left me a note.  Terry spoke to him.  I wonder if I should ask The House if it is okay for him to come in.  I feel wary, and I don’t know how much I can trust him.  Though I suppose that the Fae on campus must feel the same way about me.  “Thanks for all the books.”

I need to get an internet connection inside the house.  I wonder how Vinnie and Backspace connected.  I wonder if any of their equipment is still around the house.