From my writing journal, back in October:

I wonder if I’ve still got the printouts of the Coney Island back-and-forth for Adam’s Name. I may need to cut the whole scene. I could start the story right before Adam and Susan trip over each other. Instead of entertaining the idea of creating an amateur mafia, Seth and Sol are concerned about the sanity and well-being of their friend. Downplay the poorly written mob book angle and focus on the characters discovering the story around them.

There’s far too much telling instead of showing in the current draft. Rewrite from scratch.

What about the romance angle? Tension between Susan and Seth. How can you be such good friends without at least a little bit of that?

Instead of tying things up, Susan and Sol’s disappearance shatters the story. It’s supposed to, really, but is there too much jarring happening on the reader’s end?

Instead of Adam and Julia meeting her witch mentor right after the club, Adam should spend the night at her apartment. Julia should reveal that she’s been dreaming about him, which will make him break down and divulge everything that’s been happening to him. He’ll try to contact his buddies, only to find that he’s slipped into Julia’s world.

– Need to figure out how Adam gets to his cash to get his bike.

– He’ll push himself back into the “real” world as part of figuring out what’s going on.