Rewriting the Remembrance, from 7 March

In my old notes, from the beginning of the rewrite, I ask the question, “Why in the world would he leave his wife for a second time?” I now have to ask myself why Sebastian would leave his wife the first time, especially now that he’s fighting what he’s becoming rather than embracing it.

Nikki says that Diane should see her husband struggling not to change, fighting to hold it in, even under the onslaught of worship from the city’s citizens. She will see that it is causing him great pain, and will be reminded of Herod’s earlier statement that fighting the change would be deadly. She should run out to him, insist that he let go, because she’d rather have him changed than not have him at all. Nikki suggests he can tell her, after he changes, “I must fly. I will return.”

I think that this would allow the chapter to end with Diane sobbing in Jason’s arms, rather than verbally and physically assaulting him.

Rewriting the Remembrance, from 7 March

Jason isn’t going to be passed out from the transformation any more. He’ll still be in the room after Herod, Sebastian/Nemesis, and Diane leave. We’ll be able to see them leave through Jason’s recounting, the whys and the wherefores. They’ll be leaving to clean Sebastian up and to prepare him for the gathering. This is where I should talk about the new reason for the gathering, in fact.

So, what’s the new reason?

In the last version, it was to come together and lay out the tribal structure of Dragon City, and to leave Detroit behind. Territory would be claimed, social structure and rules defined, concerns and questions of the city’s people addressed. Herod had planned for his and Sebastian’s over-the-top transformations to cement the hearts and loyalties of his city’s citizens. A grand show.

In the new version, it’s been barely two weeks since the impact, instead of several months. While the Homeland has quite a bit of its poop in a group, Detroit is still chaotic. Instead of cementing the culture that had already been developing, Herod needs to begin that process if they are to be ready for coming hardships. So, this gathering needs to focus on forming the idea of what Dragon City will become and the steps needed to get the ball rolling.

So, the Herod speech will need to change dramatically, also its drama level will need to come down a notch or three.

Rewriting the Remembrance, from 23 January.

Where are they taking Sebastian, anyway? Nikki threw out the cold stone room with a bed made of concrete slabs, stacked waist high. Would this Herod and this Jason be taking them someplace comfortable? Yes, they’ve been through this before, but the circumstances were totally different. Didn’t exactly have a choice of locale.

Does a comfortable place even exist in the Keep? Oh, man, that’s an enormous can of worms. Herod hasn’t lost all of his humanity yet, so an argument could be made that he would still want comfort for both himself and anyone staying in the Keep. While Nikki brought up the idea of the Keep shifting as Herod lost more and more of his softness, I think I prefer the idea of Herod remembering the Keep from the future, and using that to dream the building into existence. But there will be citizens living and/or working in the Keep. No matter how many edges Herod will end up with, humans require rest, and prefer comfort. Even if Herod didn’t need or want it, he’d recognize the need to have it around.

So, in what kind of room will Sebastian’s transformation take place? He has to be able to lay on his front, to allow the wings to come out. Should he be restrained, so he doesn’t flop onto his back or off of whatever they’ve got him on? No, Diane wouldn’t react well to that, and she’s already got enough tension built up to make her snap. Piling on more right now would be gratuitous and counter-productive.

It’ll be a round room, walled with red bricks that have obviously been salvaged from collapsed buildings. Concrete or gray brick would be too cold. Set into a wood floor is a circular depression, ringed by a bench lined with thick cushions. The floor of the depression is also padded with cushions, and this is where they will lay Sebastian. Jason will crouch at his head, ready to hold his shoulders, and Diane will crouch at his feet to do the same. Herod will enter just before the fun begins, like in the original.

The room and its depressions will be large enough to seat about fifteen people. The floor between the brick wall and the depression is wide enough for two people to pass each other. There are no wall hangings, but there is a sunroof in the center of the high ceiling. The sunroof is made of stained glass that mimics a spiderweb crack in a single glass pane. There are oxidized copper sconces mounted along the walls as well, but they are torch-less.

This post is coming to you while I’m going through airport security. Enjoy!

Rewriting the Remembrance, from 17 and 23 January.

What does Diane think of the Keep? How does it make her feel? Of course, the general impression is of being stuck inside Herod’s head, but how would it filter through to Diane? Scientist that has conjured a unicorn from her dreams, which subsequently attacked those she was just starting to care about. While desperately trying to find an anchor with which to understand how the world was changing, her co-worker works a miracle, impossibly repairing an entire town and then deciding to stay there. While her husband begins to get seriously ill, she and those around her are slapped in the face with a reminder of how the world used to operate, but they can’t/won’t reclaim because of something as ephemeral as dreams. She then tries to keep her husband, barely able to breathe properly, from – from what? Dying? Changing? She knows that he’s changing; she’s terrified that the change they’ve dreamt of will take him away from her. She’s not trying to keep him from anything at this point, it’s too late for that.

She’s trying to ease his pain. That’s the filter she’s viewing everything through at this point, from Jason to the Keep to her role in all of this.

There’s nothing around them, as they transport Sebastian, that can help. Things here are pointed, hard, strong. Nothing about the concrete, steel, or glass speaks of comfort or relief. She hasn’t survived all of this to give up hope, though. To her, it will mean that they haven’t reached their destination quite yet. Jason and company are taking them someplace where Sebastian can be comfortable.

They have to be.

Rewriting the Remembrance, from 23 November.

Finally time to write the Homeland bit.

After re-reading my past notes on the New and Improved Schuler, I’m left with the thought that the timing is still off. Having Schuler use the radio broadcast to dream up Locusts attacking Suburbia feels good, and the broadcast-as-trigger takes away the cheaty feeling that originally accompanied the idea. So, I want to go with that, but it still only gives a week for the Homeland to come into being.

If the Locusts attack, and keep attacking, as I hinted at back in May, it would certainly increase the speed at which “Us vs. Them” would develop, at which a military force would be accepted and expanded upon, at which Schuler would become the leader of the area.

Diane should be troubled by Locusts appearing without a meteor, and by the relatively low population density of the area. Is her theory wrong or is something else going on here?

Even with that, would it be enough time?

The more people believe in him, the more juice he has, the more Locusts he can imagine into being, rinse, wash repeat. He’ll need witnesses. A crowd. A few people wouldn’t be enough to start the snowball effect he’d need to create it all in such a short time. So, a mall, or a concert, or a protest, or an emergency response shelter crowded with scared civilians of all socioeconomic stripes. A high school gymnasium would make a good impromptu setting for that.

He could fight his way – maybe with Dave from the TV shop – to the VFW to recruit help. The fighting would be public, along roads. The dreamed Locusts would leap out from behind obstructions and buildings with no organization or apparent intelligence, just animal lethality. After all, there hasn’t yet been a broadcast about their organization and methodical way of exterminating people.

By the end of day 1, would Schuler have enough believers to create Locusts outside of his field of vision? I’d say so. Not many, but enough to keep the ball of fear rolling. The snowball of fear? With that sequence of events, and the fear caused by satellite, TV, radio, cell phone, etc. being down, I think the needed bits are in place for the social side of the Homeland to exist in a week. Getting the infrastructure working under Schuler will be a different matter.

Considering his and the local mentality, drawing lines and borders will be needed to “free” the Homeland from the greater grids, allowing them to focus on purely local infrastructure.  This won’t need to be literal to work. Then they’ll move from generators to restoring local power, which everything else relies upon.

Why would anyone wonder how the gas stations never run out of gas, even with no deliveries from the outside? They’ve been saved from the desolation that’s wiping out the rest of the world. Don’t question – be thankful.

I need to reduce the amount of infrastructure that’s operational, and speak to everything that’s being worked on. Workers of all stripes have been temporarily re-tasked with setting things right (AKA the way they used to be) until the infrastructure is functioning. In this, Schuler is honest, and truly intends to re-establish the 9-to-5 world.

Through it all, the McDonald’s-turned-Mess Hall never stops producing food and drink. *ominous thunderclap*

Rewriting the Remembrance, from 15 November.

Tim let go of her shoulders, grabbed her hand, and rushed her over the shifting pieces of pavement and through the now-mature field grasses.

“Tim, where are we going?”

I DON’T KNOW, DIANE. WHERE ARE ANY OF US GOING?!

*ahem*

Another change. Instead of having Diane react to the Green’s scare tactic by letting go of the roots (Nikki says she’d tighten her grip by tightening up her body), go full fight-or-flight and have Diane bolt. Tim will chase after her, and they will stumble into the Squirrel-King-to-be rather than hunt him down via chi radar.