[White Wolf] Joshua’s History – II


One night, after performing nearer the University, one of the most beautiful women Joshua had ever seen approached Nicholas and asked for an impromptu poem. He asked only for her name, and a word in return. She gave him both. Rose, and predator. Joshua bowed, and signaled the sleepy Nicholas to begin a beat on his drums. He closed his eyes, and let his mind wander to the beat of the drum, and the words began to flow from his heart, his soul, and his mouth. Rose seemed to zone out, her eyes almost glazing over, as he wove a story involving a rose, its petals, its thorns, and its victims. When the poem ended, her eyes were rimmed in red, and she seemed about to cry. She quickly folded a few bills and stuffed them into his father’s work hat. She whispered, again, seeming on the verge of tears, “Stay away from a man named Lord Welcomb. He will be your undoing if he gets his hands on you.” Then she rushed off, eyes darting all over the street.

A gasp from Nicholas brought Joshua’s mind and eyes back to the present. “What?” Joshua was completely unsure what kind of sense he could make out of the encounter.

“There’s over one hundred pounds here. This is room and board for several months, Joshua! You’ve got to find that woman and thank her!”

“I doubt she wants to be found, Nicholas. The way she ran off like that? she’s better off without us trying to search her down. You saw her clothes. You heard her accent. She’s obviously nobility, and us chasing her down would hurt more than help her situation. No, we’ll leave her alone. Plus, she tried to warn me about some Lord? Lord Welcomb. Bah. All of the nobility are looney.”

The next clear memory that Joshua has is waking up, seeing Nicholas’ broken body over his bed, held up by a bearded nobleman with a cane. The nobleman tossed Nicholas’ body onto the floor as if it was a rug, then turned his gaze to Joshua. “It was silly of him to attempt to attack me, even if it was to save your pathetic life, young Kine.” Joshua could only stammer, as light poured into the window and reflected off of the nobleman’s ivory white teeth, which included elongated canines. Fangs. Bloody hell. The next instant, the nobleman’s beard was scratching his neck as his fangs were entering it. Joshua’s body twitched as an unnatural pleasure shot from the wound and through his body. There was a darkness, then a red haze of animalistic anger and rage tore him back up from wherever he was floating into. He awoke, and clamped his jaws around the wrist that had been offered him. As so many tales have told in the past, it was like liquid fire. Appropriate pain, pleasure, and punishment in a neat little red package that he could not deny.

[Poem] Gnashing of Teeth

I have the desire to bathe in all that would
Affront you
Insult you
Disgust you
Drive you away
Question all the good things you’ve said about me.

I have the desire to destroy something beautiful
Tear it apart
Rend it limb from limb
Shatter it
Crush it
Bend it
Fuck it up beyond all comprehensible recognition.

I have the desire to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings
Humiliate
Depreciate
Belittle
Embarrass
Destroy their reputation to those that mean the most.

I will never act on these desires.
I will voice them, and attempt to heal my wounds.
I will bow my head, for I have tied my own hands behind my back.

[Poem] Candle Magic

If you must be a candle
And if I must light your wick
I will enjoy your flame
I will lose my thought in it
And know only feeling
My heart will beat in tune
With your flame’s dance.

And when you have finished burning
When your wick goes out
I will plead with Draconis to fashion a mold
I will plead with Tiamat for a wick with life
I will take your old wax
I will ask those you know
For pieces of their wax
I will take from myself
As much wax as I can give

And we will melt it all together
We will hang the wick in the mold
We will pour the wax
We will let the new candle cool
And we will light it again.

And we will expect the same of you.

[Poem] Not for You

I should shut my mouth
My compliments are open-handed slaps

I should close my eyes
My gaze is as a lecherous priest

I should cover my ears
Everything I hear hits me like a mack truck

I should cut my hands at the wrist
My touch is a pestilence to those I love

I am disgusting.

Why do you look at me
with that expectation in your eyes?
Why do you stare at me
like you’re waiting for me to do something brilliant?
Why do you insist that I love myself?

Go away!
Leave me the fuck alone!
I don’t want your damn compliments.
I don’t want your pseudo-compassion.

Now look what you’ve made me do.
I’ve written this trash
this absolute crap
that will mar this web page
electronic media
and will be read
by all of those close to me

It is disgusting.

I don’t write this for you
whoever you are that is reading this
This isn’t about you.

[Poem] Grinding Glass

My world is a mirror
shattered through with cracks
pressed together just right
there are no lines
the reflection is perfect

They have begun to grind
these shards
press against each other
and gap apart
the noise sounds like
my teeth pressed too hard together

I no longer can tell
which is important
which is trivial
everything seems to loom
with importance
and fall to the floor
with triviality

I can brush it away with the back of my hand
at the same time I am crushed with its magnitude
Every decision weighs on my shoulders,
yet doesn’t matter for shit

The duality tears me apart
laughable, I could lay back and read a book
so urgent that it must be dealt with this instant
The decision to decide or not has me pulling out my hair

I need to let go soon
I need to let go of what I grip so tightly
I need to let go or I will go mad
I need to let go or I will go sane
I need to let go.

[Poem] Drunk

Whenever I tried to look
my eyes slowly rolled
the image caught up
and the focus slowly came.

My rage boiled to the surface
and was gone again
blink of an eye, they’d say
my eyes were too slow for that

Had to make sure
I was stable
before I told my body
to walk

I was too slow.

I used to lay back in that
feeling
when it washed over me.
It made me smile
I was almost someone else.

I felt myself lay back again
it felt filthy
drowning in sludge
but I could not get back up.