*PLONK*
There’s a tradition among USENET subscribers. When someone posts a stupid enough post to a newsgroup, they earn the right to be put on a blocking list. The sound of something metallic dropping into a trash can is used then for sound effects. The silly thing is… half the time, the users that are blocked assume it’s someone else being blocked.
*PLONK*
[Poem] Focus
Comes too easily to me
beat thumping my sternum
mind grasping at grammar
I have the desire
to reach out to
someone who doesn’t yet know
me
and ask for help.
This is difficult.
Miiiiiiiiiiiind-bending
Makes me chuckle at one more
paradox.
I will not change who I am, for anyone.
Never again.
I will not pretend to be who I am not, for anyone.
Never again.
I will not get lost in a facet of myself, for anyone.
Never again.
I will never forget who I am, for anyone.
Never again.
I am strong.
I am honorable.
I am smart.
I am attractive.
Shit, Stuart Smalley ain’t got nothin’ on me.
I start this grand adventure with a smirk
and a hope.
[Carnival] The Devil’s in the Details
They must have used a Sharpie. Of all the markers to use, they used a thrice-damned Sharpie. You know, it was bad enough when people didn’t notice I have a moustache, because my facial hair is so light, but to draw a moustache on, on TOP of my own, in a black Sharpie marker… ARGH! That shit’s never coming out.
Screw it. I tossed the washcloth back into the basin, and walked back over to the mess tent, where, apparently, hell had intersected with reality once again. In the form of a food fight. Pancakes in G.A.’s face. Mountain Dew and coffee flying (sacrilege!). An ash tray clanging into the no smoking sign. I sighed. This whole mess resembled the daily drama in Lansing life. Probably Saginaw too, where these guys were from. Probably everywhere there were freaks like me and them. Freaks that dreamed, and could meet their dreams.
I started heading back to Celestine’s trailer, because there really was nothing to do until I met the man himself. I had made myself a promise not to visit any more attractions until I talked to the man in charge. I heard all kinds of crashes and curses and people running, but it didn’t matter. The beat and the music were… it almost seemed like they were a little out of control. Like an orchestra without a conductor. Each bit knew it’s own part well enough to *almost* keep it in beat with the rest… but there was that slight, but all-important difference about when it’s actually drawn together perfectly by a conductor.
There was another thing he was noticing. This place wasn’t exactly IN time. I recognized that sort of thing, because I have always, always felt slightly off from the world, whenever time was concerned. I had to pay special attention to the numbers on the clock to plan a day, or be places on time. That anal-retentiveness became habit, then ingrained… but this place. This place synched with me, time-wise. For instance, I knew G.A. He StoryTells a LARP I played in. BUT, I’m not so sure he’s met me yet. I’m not sure, for him, that he’s moved down to Ohio yet.
I sat my rotund ass down on Celestine’s steps and tried to figure out how the people here couldn’t notice these things. I also couldn’t help but wonder if they’d thought about bringing in the future, as they had so neatly brought in the past… that would make for some great rides…
[Poem] Smile, nobody’s watching.
Ear to ear, baby.
Hopefully it’s just starting;
this smile.
Don’t think I’m forgetting
smiles in other places
those are right next door
to my blood-pump.
I can feel that cog,
that gear of infinite probability,
click another few degrees
and send me spinning once again.
Samhain is coming
the leaves are changing
the chill wind blows
and I can’t help but smile.
[Poem] Grating of Teeth
In the midst of fulfilling asshole quota
I blurt out what I’ve been trying to say all night
Her expression shifted
radically
In an instant
from indignant rage at my gall
to concern at my frustration
and then understanding.
Lack of lengthy temporal existence
brings forth negative emotional response
in the form of frustration, anger, and rage
within an intelligent young woman.
Sometimes, without knowing, I grate my teeth.
My jaw muscles hurt from the pressure.
[Poem] In a Corner
it seems that i opened that case
so long ago
and that so much has changed
and happened
since then
things are less clear and more focused
shorter temporal span
in my outlook of ages upon my world
which throbs
and undulates
sometimes i need to tear out my hair
scream out loud
why am i so fucking stupid when i think
considering the rationally
repugnant
all i want
all i want
is lasting quiet
is a lifelong mate
maybe it’s too much for the world to bear
my succeeding.