Confused-o-tron

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Jody has the dog. I dropped him off last night. I’ve explained my reasons so many times in person, and some of them in here, and I honestly don’t want to hash over them again. Some think that I’m making a grave mistake by being alone in my apartment, and I can respect that opinion. I do not agree with it, and I think that this is the best option for me and for him.

It still tore me up to leave him there.

I’ve been an emotional wreck for the last few days anyway *shakes fist at Pay it Forward*, so this added to it.

Every day, I am surprised at how strange and how difficult it is to adjust to being on my own again. To being a sole unit, instead of a part of a duo. I also realize another bad habit that I’d adopted so that I could survive as her husband, and I pick at it and pick at it, and then let it be. It will fall away, eventually, if it’s not needed any more.

I’ve been spending a lot of time around kids, lately. I’ve found myself reminding them to shut the door, or pick up what they left sitting around, or whatever. I’ve also found myself doing the “ohmygoddon’tdie” panic when they have fallen off of a couch or smashed into each other, or whatever. Typical paternal concern.

Me.

The fact that I’ve even got it in me surprises the hell out of me. Being comfortable around kids? Me? Being concerned for their welfare? Is this some long-forgotten piece of me from when my biggest dream in life was to be a grandfather? Is this some sort of panicky grab for closeness now that the immensity of the ALONE is bearing down on me in full force? Why, then, has it come upon me gradually, as I’ve slowly spent time with these children?

You know, it doesn’t matter. I will spend my time how I enjoy spending it. If it’s starting tickle-fights with my friends’ children, then that’s how it will be.

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): These last two weeks before the solstice will stir up a vortex of novelty in your depths. Among the sparkly surprises swirling around down there will be some shimmering intuitions about your life in 2008. So stay on high alert, Taurus. Snag every one of those prophetic glimpses. Here are questions to focus your attention: What new interests are gestating within you? How is life asking you to modify your ideas about who you are? What do you suspect will be your best three creations in the coming year?

Pay it Forward

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I had added this movie to my queue because it’s one of the few Kevin Spacey movies that I hadn’t seen. From The Usual Suspects to K-PAX to Superman Returns, I’m a pretty big fan of his acting ability and style. I’d heard that it was more of a chick-flick than I’m used to, and I’d heard some poor things about Helen Hunt’s performance. So,I was skeptical when I popped it into the PS2. I was pleasantly surprised.

Be warned, this movie is a tear-jerker. I don’t know if it’s the idealism and hope that I used to so easily espouse. I don’t know if it’s the way in which I ended up caring for and about the characters. I don’t know what it was, but it definitely tugged at my heartstrings.

I would definitely recommend this movie. I rated it 5/5 stars.

First Payday

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Today is the first payday at my new job. For some reason, the first payday tends to cement things for me, with a job. I’m receiving money for my services rendered. I’m part of the company. I’m an employee.

Of course, with this job, I had insurance right away, and that kicked things into gear a little early. I still feel kind of bad for having to take days off in my second week of work. C’mon, work ethic trumps bronchitis right? Guess not. Heh.

I started playing with numbers in my head, and I started to panic a little. Compared the projected outgoing money with the projected income, and had some scary results. Then I found my mistake. This two-week paycheck is only for one week’s worth of work. Crisis averted. Next paycheck (and subsequent ones) will be double the amount. Funds will still be very tight for the next two weeks, but relief is just over the horizon.

didn’t like me talking about our money. But money has always been a big trip-up for me, as far as spending it unwisely, or forgetting bills, or whatever. It’s also been one of the biggest stress triggers in my life. I’m sure that it’s that way for everyone. This is why paying back what I owe is so important to me. Reaching zero debt is an extremely important goal for me, and one that I intend to reach. I can do this, if I focus, and if my actions follow my intents. I can lessen the impact this stress has on my life by writing about it, and by fixing it.

Some of the clarity that I’ve asked for is coming. I can only guess that the rest is on its way.

Venture Bros., Season 1

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This review should be taken in the context of a haze of severe bronchitis, steroid-based inhalers (which tend to mess with my brainmeats a little), and light-headedness due to coughing fits.

All in all, the perfect mindset for the Venture Bros. :) I’d loved this show when it was on Adult Swim, so I couldn’t resist adding it when I signed up. The first disc was only episodes I’d seen enough times that they’d lost a bit of their shiny humor, but the second disc made me laugh out loud repeatedly. Just enough of the “wait, WHAT just happened?” mixed with the ridiculous thrown in with the homages to old-school science fiction. I rated it 5/5 stars.

Tonight, tonight

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So, I have two options for tonight:

a – Hang out with and for some SNES and TV watchin’.

b – Hit a second meeting of the reincarnated Green Spiral.

I think I’m going to go with option c:

Go home, have dinner, watch DVD, sleep. I need to be getting more sleep on a nightly basis, and with being at work at 8:30 am, either of the above options will not afford me the sleep I need to recover properly.