Getting closer.

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I want to pay back the debts I owe.
I want to live simply and cheaply so that I can do this, and yet I want to be able to enjoy the things that I enjoy doing.
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I’m going to take ‘s advice and get Quicken. They have a version for small business that will allow me to manage my normal funds as well as the book funds, both out of my personal accounts.
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I have a line on a car. Let’s hope it’s not too good to be true.
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I’m getting close, now, to deciding.

What do I want?

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I want my own place.
I want to hang out with my dog.
I want to write.
I want to set up my SETI Retirement Home.
I want to be comfortable enough in my place, my home, to be able to write.

I want a job that I can leave at work when I go home.
I want a job that will pay the bills.
I want a job that will give me enough free time to write and publicize my writing.

I want to finish what I started – namely, school.
I want to put down roots.
I want to participate in local government; I want to be an active citizen.
I want to -be- somewhere.

I want an apartment; I don’t want the extra part-time job (full?) that comes with home ownership.
I want to live on or near a bus line, but I also want a small, fuel-efficient car so that I can visit family and friends.
I want to feel at home.
I want to relax, I want to unwind, and I want to feel part of the place in which I live.

None of these things are location-dependent. All of these things that I know that I want can be done anywhere. And yet I left California because I knew that it was not where I wanted to be. I wanted to be in Michigan. Am I blocking myself again, like I did with the question “What do I want?” when I was out there? Is there another layer of self-programming to strip away? Am I stalling, to stay in a place that is totally safe?

*sigh*

If I go back to Lansing, will I be able to stay out of drama enough to heal? Is my will strong enough? Will my actions follow my ideals?

Horoscope

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “For those who are walled up, everything is a wall . . . even an open door.” in conveying this thought from the French poet René Char, I don’t mean to imply that you’re any more walled up than the rest of us, Taurus. My reason for mentioning it at this particular moment is to prod you into taking aggressive action to un-wall yourself in whatever ways you can. According to my reading of the omens, the cosmos will reward your efforts to topple facades that are obstructing your view and preventing you from being touched.

Flight Details

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10 OCT
FRONTIER AIRLINES F9 668
From: SAN FRANCISCO, CA, Departs:915A
To: DENVER, CO, Arrives:1243P

10 OCT
FRONTIER AIRLINES F9 625
From: DENVER, CO, Departs:215P
To: DETROIT METRO, MI, Arrives: 700P

This may take some of you by surprise…

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I’m going home.

I’m smiling, I’m enjoying myself, I’m relaxed, and happy. All it took for me to enjoy California was the decision to leave it.

I feel crappy, at the same time, about letting people down. Mike at Yahoo, , , . Sometimes, I guess that you’ve got to let people down to do the things that you need to do to be happy.* Still, I’m sorry.

I resigned today from Yahoo, and will be booking a flight back to Detroit Metro for as soon as is 1) reasonably priced and 2) convenient for my parents to pick me up. I do have other prospects, so I won’t be out of commission for very long.

I know that every time I write about writing, I’m slashing the chances of actually getting down to it. I’m doing it anyway. I have the next portion of Adam’s Name to edit, and I’ve re-read what I’ve got for The Glass Crown. (OMG CAN HAZ REWRITE KTHXBAI) I’m at a spot, I think, where I can pick up and keep going. Don’t have a heart attack, . You know, I’ve not been very nice to Chuck, and I really think that should continue. I think that Caroline and the Right Hand should get some torment, too. :)

*The irony here hasn’t escaped me.