The things I do amaze me sometimes.
When I am expressly trying to figure out what I want, outside of external influence, what’s the first thing I do?
Post a poll.
*facepalm*
Horoscope
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Speaking on the authority of the expansive planet Jupiter, I hereby free you from all inferior temptations. In the coming weeks, you will, by cosmic decree, be enticed by only the finest, most uplifting temptations. That doesn’t mean you should automatically succumb to the charms of those temptations. The more important point is that you should allow them to influence you — to change you around every which way. Trust that the impact they have on you, as they invite you to follow them, will inspire you to express yourself more beautifully and upgrade your relationship with yourself.
Getting closer.
I want to pay back the debts I owe.
I want to live simply and cheaply so that I can do this, and yet I want to be able to enjoy the things that I enjoy doing.
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I’m going to take
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I have a line on a car. Let’s hope it’s not too good to be true.
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I’m getting close, now, to deciding.
Sheep is me!
What do I want?
I want my own place.
I want to hang out with my dog.
I want to write.
I want to set up my SETI Retirement Home.
I want to be comfortable enough in my place, my home, to be able to write.
I want a job that I can leave at work when I go home.
I want a job that will pay the bills.
I want a job that will give me enough free time to write and publicize my writing.
I want to finish what I started – namely, school.
I want to put down roots.
I want to participate in local government; I want to be an active citizen.
I want to -be- somewhere.
I want an apartment; I don’t want the extra part-time job (full?) that comes with home ownership.
I want to live on or near a bus line, but I also want a small, fuel-efficient car so that I can visit family and friends.
I want to feel at home.
I want to relax, I want to unwind, and I want to feel part of the place in which I live.
None of these things are location-dependent. All of these things that I know that I want can be done anywhere. And yet I left California because I knew that it was not where I wanted to be. I wanted to be in Michigan. Am I blocking myself again, like I did with the question “What do I want?” when I was out there? Is there another layer of self-programming to strip away? Am I stalling, to stay in a place that is totally safe?
*sigh*
If I go back to Lansing, will I be able to stay out of drama enough to heal? Is my will strong enough? Will my actions follow my ideals?
Three possibilities.
Looking for opinions, here. Feel free to elaborate in comments. :)
Signal to Noise Ratio
I am turning the dial, from one end do the other, looking for that signal. Where’s my signal?
Horoscope
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “For those who are walled up, everything is a wall . . . even an open door.” in conveying this thought from the French poet René Char, I don’t mean to imply that you’re any more walled up than the rest of us, Taurus. My reason for mentioning it at this particular moment is to prod you into taking aggressive action to un-wall yourself in whatever ways you can. According to my reading of the omens, the cosmos will reward your efforts to topple facades that are obstructing your view and preventing you from being touched.