Worldbuilding for the Glass Crown, from 1 February.

Where are all these Workers coming from?

Nikki thinks that there are groups of Workers living out in other areas of Gary, and not just underneath the Five Fingers.  She says that they’d need to be on the outskirts of the city, even if it’s not yet converted, to drive off bands of animals. I would guess to assimilate or drive off wandering people, as well. With the push to abandon aboveground to give the sunlight to the farm, they’d only move underground if and when their local area gets converted. Otherwise, they’d use abandoned housing projects or apartment buildings – if any are still standing. She says that this would explain the waves of attacks, as more Workers make it in from further reaches of the city.

I can see that.

But how are they so well organized? They’ve all spent years having their will completely given over to the Body. Suddenly, they’re in control of themselves, save for the directive to stop the outsiders from leaving at all costs. How did they communicate well enough to organized the trap outside of the restaurant? Beyond communication, how are they practicing enough independent thought to operate several squads of Workers to close the trap?

Does the Crown return creative and independent thinking back to some of the Workers? After the machinations of the Right Hand and the betrayal of the Left Hand, likely not. In fact, he’s in physical agony and has been betrayed by his closest assistants. The trap would never have happened, instead it would be wave after wave of Workers gunning for them, wandering the city with single-minded purpose.

That scene will have to be rewritten, and everything after it.

Why hasn’t anyone from the group gotten shot? They’ve all been in enough battle that one of them should at least gotten winged, if not received a through-and-through gun shot wound. I’m not saying that it needs to be fatal, or even life-threatening, but the lack of bleeding is getting a mite bit unrealistic, even for a fantasy novel.

There’s no good reason that no one’s been shot. So, at least one of them needs to bleed. Robin, the helpless one, is a good bet. Though that might make her even more angsty about being a drain on the group. She might not be the best choice after all, I guess.

If Caroline gets shot, it’ll be all “Oh no, everyone panic and fuss over Caroline again!” Bleh. That already happens enough. Nikki says that Caroline getting shot can be used to strengthen her character, and add a physical aspect to the spiritual and psychological trials that she’s already survived. “You need to toughen that wimpy bitch up.” Getting shot, getting up, and giving everyone the Glare of Doom will further show how far she’s come. She’s not suggesting that Caroline shrug it off. She’s saying that Caroline needs to show some of the steel that Fierce saw when she gave her the dagger. Show some of what Madness is so afraid of that he’d try to kill her. “If she’s gonna stand up to the Rebuilder, she needs to be strong. If she’s gonna just leave, she can’t be weak.” That might just be fun to write.

I’m also thinking that the Right Hand should get hit. He should have a wound that requires him to have help to get into the restaurant, and will show that he can be hurt. Hang a lantern on it, have him all shocked about it. “I’ll be damned. I can be hurt.”

Worldbuilding for the Glass Crown, from 25 January.

How would Nemesis shift from winged man to dragon? He’s been gravely insulted, and is irritated beyond reason. I wouldn’t say he’s enraged. It’s not a fire, but a cold anger. Okay, let’s go step by step.

When Herod causes Nemesis to shift for the first time, it’s described as a pushing out. His senses expand, his body expands, his power expands. But this isn’t being written from his point of view, it’s being written from outside.

He’s surrounded by “mortals,” too. He wouldn’t want to squish Caroline’s friends, no matter how pissy he’s gotten. So, he’d jump up as he shifts, expanding in the space above the group. Everyone will instinctively crouch, because of the eardrum-popping roar that he’ll make as he shifts. Everyone except for the Left Hand.

She’ll begin to shift on the ground, and that needs to be described from the point of view of a terrified Robin, in detail. She’ll launch herself into the air to pursue Nemesis, bellowing her own roar in response to the Harbinger’s challenge. More with the ringing ears, because that’s just what the group needed.

What will the energy of that shifting do for/to Caroline? She is so drained by everything that she’s been through and everything that she’s pulled off that she can only stand upright with difficulty. The surge of Dragon City energy around her is like getting hit with a lightning bolt. Sure, it’ll recharge her batteries, but it’ll happen way too fast, and it’ll keep going. She’ll get overloaded and then pass out.

Nikki thinks that this should be able to be seen visually, like a glowing aura, instead of bringing the cheese with the smoking hair.

Argh, there’s no precedent in this book or the last for energy influencing like this. Why am I worrying about this now? Because I have the Harbinger’s change triggering the Green’s change. There’s something broken in that. Her Guardian essence is locked away inside the Remembrance. She should not be able to shift into dragon form. I had the energy hitting Caroline, because it should hit her if it hit the Green.

Fundamental reassessment:

The Green should not fully shift when Nemesis does. Her body should start, but fail, and she should collapse as a backlash.

Thanks, Nikki.

Caroline should drop to a knee. She and Chuck should help each other into the restaurant, and the Right Hand should carry the Left in, with Robin taking up the rear in case anyone needs help.

Worldbuilding for the Remembrance, from 30 December.

What the crap does the Keep look like on the outside?

A castle? A church? A factory? A giant squid? An inverted spleen? A diner? From Nikki: “I can see it black with towering spikes. All lines and angles and large windows.” She elaborates, and I translate: The base should be wide, like wings, maybe swooping or covered in spines. There should be a tower rising out, like a serpent’s neck, topped with Herod’s quarters. He should be able to see out and around the Keep, and much of the city, without being seen from the outside.

I countered that most dragons I had read about took refuge underground. She said that many sought out mountains, and I said, “Yeah, under mountains.”

She changed angle and made a point that I couldn’t disagree with – Herod had just been freed fro institutionalization. He would abhor the feeling of being trapped or closed in. Building the Keep in the rater afforded him the sense of being underground, while the tower allowed him the sense of freedom.

She also pointed out that the crater was likely to have walls that were far more gradually sloped than those I was picturing in my mind’s eye, and that makes sense. In fact, the lip of the crater should come right up to the road that the Caravan is driving on, and right up to the edge of Hart Plaza.

Crap. I’m going to have to look at a map to be sure, but it’s likely that the crater will extend into the river. So, the Keep could sit in a pool of river water that swirls around it as the river flows. This would allow for an over-the-top moat, complete with drawbridge.

Or. The debris fro the city’s buildings and foundations could be pushed outward as the crater is made, altering the shoreline. Concrete and stone and steel would jut out of the water, just above its surface, in an almost-circular extension of the crater’s border out into the water. Some river water would seep and leak through, to form shallow pools around the edge of the Keep, before draining into the salt mines below the city.

Yeah, I like that one better.

Worldbuilding for the Remembrance, from 29 December.

The People Mover has fallen in sections, with each piece mostly intact, like melting icicles.

Gas stations have been left alone, as internal combustion engines no longer function.  The individual pieces function as they should, but they will not start. They may be raided later, if gasoline can be used as a heating fuel. (Does it burn too fast?) Automobiles of all kinds sit, idle, and will eventually be dismantled for the scrap metal, plastics, and rubber.

Tribes have not yet begun to form, due to the shortened timeline. That will have to be moved to later in the book, and probably expanded upon. Will need to dig out the original 3-ring binder that held my original notes. I’m certain that I outlined all of the Tribes and where they set up their territories. I may have to redo that part, though, since I can’t remember applying much logic to that particular decision making process.

I’m tempted to keep the Tashas around. They’re growing on me like Schuler did.

Worldbuilding for the Remembrance, from 15 December.

The Detroit skyline is gone, except for the RenCen. The skyscrapers that were threatening to come down on their own collapsed first, followed by ones that were newer or had been reinforced and refurbished. The casinos caved in on themselves, as did the sprawling abandoned factories and warehouses. Corners of exterior walls sometimes gave testament to what had been before. The sea of one- and two-story houses outside of downtown still stand, unless they had structural problems that would bring them down in a mild earthquake.

When the Locusts were pushed out of Detroit, they methodically wiped out the suburbs, as long as their own numbers remained sufficient. Trios, pairs, and single Locusts would go on killing, but were intelligent enough to move cautiously and use their environments to do the most damage. Many small craters dot the landscape, where gas or other household materials were used to create explosions and/or fires.

How would Timothy see that? How would it hit him? What about Sebastian and Diane? Sebastian is going to lose consciousness once they cross the border, so Diane isn’t going to give much of a damn. It all comes down to Tim’s description, which is good, because it’s his chapter. He’s visited the area before, but has he been to Detroit proper? Probably. He’d have a fuzzy memory of it, at best. Still, the destruction here is greater than he dealt with in Grand Rapids or Lansing. It’ll be the implication of the loss of human life that will hit him, not the destruction of the physical city.

When the survivors first crowd the caravan, his relief will be intense. When they part, he’ll be thinking about his dreams. When they’re met with Jason instead of Herod, there will be confusion and doubt. That’s when Sebastian will start to convulse, and will be rushed to the newly-finished Keep.

Entered on 23 Nov.

When does Sebastian actually collapse?

• Right after the injured are taken to the hospital
  • Why wouldn’t they take him to the hospital, too, especially if Diane thinks it’s a heart attack?
• In the evening, when people start debating whether to stay or press on
  • Same as above, there’s no way in hell Diane wouldn’t take him to an available and fully functioning hospital.
• In the night, during shared dreams
  • Can’t collapse when you’re already lying down.
  • Could collapse in Diane’s dream, and resist waking up in the morning.
• In the morning, during debate
  • Would influence the decision, probably.
• In the morning, during the Homeland excommunicating them
  • Would steal the spotlight, make the scene feel crowded.
• In the morning, after they leave the Homeland
  • People would wonder if it was leaving the Homeland that sapped the last of his strength.
• When the group enters Dragon City
  • Will express the immediacy of the situation.
  • Possibly too similar to the old version of events.
• Decision
  • Have him get violently ill in the Homeland, the morning before everyone leaves. He will write it off as bad food, but will have a mild fever as well.
  • Fever will get worse as they progress to Detroit, and he will collapse when the Caravan is being welcomed to the city by Jason.