Weekly Word Count


FoF Concept 1.5
Originally uploaded by Childe

There was once this super secret project, back in the day. and I were all hush-hush about our weekly meetings (Liasons? No one will ever know!) as we worked to make our grand idea into a reality. Stumbling block after stumbling block after brick wall cropped up in our path, and our idea changed and evolved over time.

I say evolved, because it adapted to survive. And the changes are so severe that they might just be generational. Of the ideas, I’d say that this one, the one that will finally see life ( *knock on wood* ) is the third generation.

Our working title is Fight or Flight, and the grandchild idea is a webcomic. The current plans are to update weekly, and we plan on having a several-month-long stockpile before the site goes live. The main character, tentatively named Willy, is pictured here. He was drawn by Rick Schlaack, who is one of the most amazing artists I’ve ever met. And the irony is, HE is waiting on US to get scripts finalized so that he can draw. Talk about a reversal!

With the concept art that he’s given us, I have absolutely no doubt that this project will take off. I’ve got my eyes on Penny Arcade, PvP, Megatokyo, and Looking For Group. And I think that we can do it.

Three weeks before I move out.

Last night, I threw my untied knot into a bonfire.

It followed a rectangle of denim with the words “Te Amo” sewed into it.

One of my circles of friends… some of my chosen family… cheered me on.

Today, my parents were coming through town while I was just waking up. I turned down lunch, as I thought Nikki would be making me breakfast. Nope, I had promised her Fleetwood’s famous hippie hash. While getting our food, I ran into my father-in-law, and then (separately, but at the same restaurant) Jody, my mother-in-law. Also, her best friend, who was last in the country to commemorate my grandmother-in-law’s death. I chatted for a bit, and then zipped out of there, as my food and I had already taken quite some time to be united.

Both interactions shocked me, for some reason. Both unsettled me, and triggered my flight instinct. I wanted to run and hide, though I did stay and chat with the in-laws. Something about all of this made me want to hide my face, or feel ashamed, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. How do I relate to Bill now? How do I relate to Jody? To Brandy? To John? To my own parents? To my brother?

How do I look them in the eye when they’re up here for my brithday? How do I feel, and express that I’m feeling, that I haven’t failed? Which, of course, I haven’t.

Of course, writing projects are flourishing, deadlines are being assigned (who thought I’d cheer for deadlines?), and I love my day job. I am in my apartment, I’m not second-guessing whether or not I’ll be there for the semi-long-term, and I dig the place. I’m even mulling over painting. Which, knowing me, will happen three weeks before I move out.

It’s been days since I’ve had the copy of the marriage license. I haven’t filled out the test run of the paperwork yet. Granted, it’s small-scale avoidance, but it’s still there. So, right now, I’m going to go and do that. And I have Nikki backing me up, which makes it somehow… less daunting.

Still scary as hell.

I'm on it like Boba Fett on Han Solo.

George tells me that I will feel free once those papers are signed. He says that I will feel like a mountain has been lifted off my shoulders.

My mood lows, my emotional troughs, are more frequent than they used to be. It’s hard to admit this, for a plethora of reasons. Escape works, for a short time. Netflix has been a wonderful provider of fictional worlds to escape into. Heroes, Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis, Battlestar Galactica, movies… I can go home and not think for two hours. Better yet, I wake up with vague impressions about dreaming about what I watched.

The alternative is waking up dreaming about family, dreaming about her – always with the theme of betrayal – and I, or dreaming about panic.

I haven’t yet dreamed about the new job. I take that as a sign that for once, my job is not a high contributor to the stress in my life.

The companionship and welcome and, most importantly, love, that I’ve found in Nikki helps more than the escape does. It elevates the baseline, so to speak. I can never hit those really low lows. I can still have a trough, and I still think about the stuff that stresses me, but when I start to nosedive, I hit a net instead of the craggy bottom. I can shake myself loose of whatever’s pulling me down, and start the climb up again.

I’m not going to conventions, because of debt. More accurately, I’ve made the choice to pay back debt, even the stuff that springs up and catches me unawares, before I can allow myself my mini-vacations. The point of going to them isn’t to sell books -at- the con. It’s to get your name out there, get a few people to buy them, or get interested in them, and make sure you’re known in the community. If someone recognizes your name, they are much more likely to buy your book.

That said, I’m missing my favorite convention this year, and it’s adding to the low. Add to that the undeniable pattern of me avoiding writing. Yes, I admit it. I am avoiding writing, and I’ve been doing it for a while. I know why, too.

She used to call my novel prophetic. It was a running gag that was sort of a half-joke. Spiritual apocalypses are always attractive to those of us in seeming “counter-cultures,” and so it stuck. It ended up being true, though to say how or why would ruin the ending for those that haven’t read it. Prophecy seems to fulfill itself in the most strange an unexpected ways, eh? Maybe it was self-fulfilling prophecy, in that she read it, and followed it in that way. Who knows?

Much like fear almost drove me away from Nikki, fear is driving me away from writing. It’s making the purple felt notebook (a gift, but a shiny one) into an obelisk that I’m afraid to go up and touch. I’m fairly certain that the notebook may also have the dimensions consisting of a ratio of prime numbers, but my ruler is at home.

Writing is my vent. It’s the release valve for when the steam pressure rises to critical levels. I can release my darker side into the Steven comic (no, Herod is not my dark side). I’m hoping to release my ideas for new beginnings into the upcoming webcomic project. Also, it has robots. That have been asleep for an undetermined amount of time. I haven’t bothered to find out if this is related to my affinity for old computer tech. Adam…. Adam is run by fear. It’s his bread and butter, his english muffin, if you will. So, Adam is where I put my fear. I’m no longer sure what I’m putting into the sequel of my novel, because… well, because of the ending of the first one.

I need to stop being afraid of my writing. I stopped being afraid of being with Nikki by breaking up with her, realizing what I’d done, and being thankful that she took me back. I don’t want to break up with my writing. I’ve taken a long enough break. I need a new tactic.

Weekly Word Count

What’s that? Another issue of Steven written? Hell yes.

Not only that, but the trip to Cleveland (Lakewood, really) was a complete success. I am now armed with scans, and can move onto the next step. is just as geeked, though running a restaurant for 10 to 12 hour shifts is tiring. Watching them work was a definite people-watching treat.

I’m focusing on wrapping up the third (and final) story arc for Steven, so I won’t be writing much else, unless I get slapped by my muse and need to write another short-short. I realized that I’ve got two of those now, and I really don’t know what to do with them. Very probably an edit and then turn them into submissions.

After that, we’ve got:
– Sequel
– Robot goodness
– Adam’s Name
– Mayan steampunk
– LARP fiction

Oh, yeah. Full plate. :)

Weekly Word Count

Two more chapters of Steven up on the fiction page. One more issue to go, and the fiction behind the first story arc will be completed.

I have fallen in love, all over again, with ‘s interpretation of my fiction. He gets Steven. What he draws oscillates between simple and detailed, and captures the crazy perfectly. I am still geeked, energized, and having to restrain myself from pestering him into oblivion.

If this gets any worse, I’m going to have to pack up my scanner and my laptop, drive to Cleveland, and pay a visit. But I’m sure that hasn’t been his plan all along. ;)

I’ve finished the next chapter of Issue 20, which was a bit difficult. Reading back over it reassures me that it flows, but I’m feeling like this third story arc is pushing the characters into a place that they wouldn’t otherwise go. And then I remembered what Steven said at the end of the last arc. And, of -course- he’d do it this way. I mean, when you get to confront Death, you’ve got to lead him on a good chase, right?

I think that Steven and Madness might be pals, if they could just stop staring at each other with those creepy smiles.

Weekly Word Count

Next two chapters of Steven are up over at the fiction page! Issue 5 of the first 7-issue story arc includes two chapters. One shows Steven becoming upset when the voices in his head become quiet. The second involves a mystical revelation followed up by a character from Steven’s past, the Magus.

is making a surprise visit tonight, so I will get to drool over the pre-inked first issue. Am I excited? Well, yeah. :)

Also, on the About Me page, I’ve added in a widget from Good Reads that shows you what I’m currently reading. I’ll do my best to keep that updated, and to review what I’ve read as I finish it.

Short-short

I haven’t written a short-short in a long time. I’ve always really wanted to expand those, and turn them into something novel-sized. Well, a lot of that will end up in Adam’s Name.

Anyway, I think I’m okay with this short-short sitting where it’s at. I wonder where I can get a list of places that are looking for that length of story.

Now that I think about it, there was another short-short that I did a while back that I never expanded. Hrm.

Fashion vs. Crazy Vampires

When did sweater-dresses over stretch pants come back as a fashion? This hurts my brain.

In completely unrelated news, the next two chapters of Steven fiction is live over at the site. The first story arc covers seven issues, and these chapters make up Issue 4. Once I’ve finished posting them, I think I’ll hold a poll to see if people are still interested in continuing to read the fiction before the ink hits the glossy paper.

Or I’ll just keep posting it.

Whichever. :)

Of course, any feedback is more than welcome, it’s encouraged. Does Steven interest you? Squick you? Make you throw your hands up in the air? Is there something about him that you hate? Something that made you stop reading? Honest feedback gets a gold star. :)